(22M)(18F) Can I forgive her for this?

Submitted by C25H34O3 t3_zzk9ds in relationship_advice

So I was seeing this girl for a few weeks and it was going really well, up until I found out she had been lying about her age. She told me she was 18 multiple times, but one day after she had spent the night at my house one of our mutual work friends told me the truth that she was still 17. Very confused and hurt I confronted her and she admitted it. After this I blocked and went NC, up until today which was her birthday.

She showed up at my house out of the blue after weeks of NC, wanting to apologize to me, saying she only lied because she knew I wouldn’t be interested if I’d known she wasn’t 18 yet. She kept apologizing over and over saying she originally thought it was okay because she was only a month and a half away from her birthday, but now knows it was wrong for her to do.

I don’t know if I can trust this girl again. I know 100% she’s 18 now and I really do have feelings for her, we get along extremely well this was the only argument we’d ever had. Just a really rocky start to the relationship, and weird feelings I have about unknowingly seeing her when she was still a minor. I can tell she legitimately feels terrible about lying to me, she’s one of the sweetest people I know and I really do just want to forgive and forget.

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moontburnt t1_j2c52ba wrote

I wouldn’t be able to forgive this. She could’ve put you in a bad position, legally. This shows she’s ok with lying if it means she will get her way, even if it could end up harming you.

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C25H34O3 OP t1_j2c5s0z wrote

Honestly I think you’re right but just seeing her today hit me with all those feelings again and I want to just forget about it

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Murky_Anxiety4884 t1_j2c3zod wrote

You're allowed to be clueless until you're 18.

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707breezy t1_j2c5dji wrote

Wonderful name for that advice you throwing. I believe it’s hard to use that defense in some states and situations.

Maybe the state has laws that could allow for this situation.

Legal stuff aside (I’m not a lawyer and all reddit advice should be taken with a grain of searching for the Boston marathon bomber salt).

I say trust is gone so you would need to have a long conversation about how you feel and what kind of relationship you are looking for (a healthy honest one essentially). You can forgive her if you feel a true connection and she has not lied about anything else. You would have to work on your trust with her and she should understand that going forward since trust is not a given.

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Minoush19 t1_j2c7fpe wrote

This is going to depend on your location and local laws. If you get into an argument or have a bad breakup with this now-adult, could she go to the police and say “the relationship started a month before my 18th birthday. He knew I was 17 therefore it was statutory rXpe”? If the answer to that question is going to warrant a police investigation, STAY AWAY FROM HER!

In the UK, this might be weird and skeevy to many, and you could lose friends & family for it, but it would not lead to a police investigation based on age alone. In some US states, I believe it would lead to some very serious consequences for you, the kind of which leads to jumpsuits and lists you don’t want to be on.

I don’t think you should even entertain anything more with her for so much as a second.

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C25H34O3 OP t1_j2c7l66 wrote

I did not have sex with her/break any laws this is just a emotional thing to me

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Minoush19 t1_j2c879n wrote

Can you prove that beyond any shadow of doubt that police are going to say “ok, this is a clear case of false accusations”? Because if you can’t prove it categorically, and things go bad, you’re in danger! The likelihood is slim that she would do this, but it’s there.

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C25H34O3 OP t1_j2c959l wrote

I am innocent until proven guilty, and there is no proof to be found because no laws were broken. Like I said, not really interested in the legal side of things. Just want opinions on whether this is forgivable

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Dependent_Remove_326 t1_j2c4yre wrote

White lie, I would try and get over this but make sure she understood that any further lying in the relationship will not be tolerated.

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