From my own experience with getting anxious during conversations of expressing my own needs… I wasn’t taught to self-regulate properly. My parents were pretty shit at that and not really there during some tough times in my life and trying to get me help when I needed it. I resent them for it, a lot. There way of expressing love is by buying things, which means nothing if I get anxious when trying to express myself.

Could this be similar to your circumstance? It could be as basic as not learning emotional regulation and dare I say it, bad parenting.