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Moist_Veterinarian69 t1_j2e4k1f wrote

Quit avoiding the therapy, grow the hell up and take responsibility for your issues, it’s going to be uncomfortable, that’s part of the process. If you really care about him you will go to the therapy and not just walk out the second it’s uncomfortable

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[deleted] OP t1_j2e50oc wrote

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Moist_Veterinarian69 t1_j2e5a7x wrote

You’re incredibly emotionally immature… you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone and pause to think before lashing out at people. Either that or you have an emotional disorder of some sort. The answer to both is talking to a psychologist

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[deleted] OP t1_j2e5rwa wrote

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AorticMishap t1_j2ff7zw wrote

When I was a kid I had problems controlling my emotions, and it was really hard for me to stop in the moment (I lashed out)

If you can’t pause and think before lashing out yet, at least call yourself out honestly every time afterward. Think about why, what, etc you felt the way you did

Break it down as logically as possible, and then next time you’re angry, try to think about it and ask whether you’re reacting similarly this time

It sometimes takes a while but eventually you can change yourself for the better if you really want to, and you really consistently try to

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pepelino1 t1_j2f1unk wrote

While in therapy:

TO MAKE PROGRESS YOU HAVE TO BE COMFORTABLE BEING UNCOMFORTABLE. Martin Roony

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CuteDerpster t1_j2ect35 wrote

Do you have borderline personality disorder? You need therapy and perhaps medication to take away the edge from those emotional outbursts

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madmismka t1_j2eglln wrote

Have you ever successfully stopped a fit of yours? Is there anything that anyone can say or do to “bring you back down to Earth”?

It’s on you to notice your own body and reactions when you get upset so that you can minimize and work through it. How do you know that you have started “throwing a fit”? Make a list. What do you want your ideal reaction to be instead? Write it down. Make a plan.

The next time you are upset, use a code word or phrase that you planned in advance. Maybe you and your husband could agree on a word like “overwhelmed.” He could say, “Hey, OP, it sounds like you’re getting overwhelmed.” You can say, “I am feeling overwhelmed.” This is a sign for both of you to walk away right then and there. You can approach him to start the conversation again when you are calm. Feel yourself wanting to start to cry, yell, or shut down? Take another break. “I’m feeling overwhelmed again” and walk away for a breather. You said you get anxious and upset thinking that the person will leave. I think sitting down with your husband and talking out this solution (or another plan) could make you feel more at ease and confident that taking a break because you’re overwhelmed is not the same as leaving or stopping the conversation — it’s just a pause, not an end. :)

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AorticMishap t1_j2ffnk1 wrote

As someone who had genuine problems controlling themselves as a child, this sort of self analysis was extremely helpful.

And pre arranged code words can help kind of shock yourself out of the “natural” response

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Educational-Warthog2 t1_j2fk6vj wrote

Going to therapy 5 times won’t do shit lol. I think you should look at how you’ve overcame things in the past. Like actual hard things. Reads like you’re a big baby who doesn’t know how to self parent.

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[deleted] OP t1_j2fmxzx wrote

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Educational-Warthog2 t1_j2foe4i wrote

Everyone should develop a healthy mother and father internally for themselves. To nurture your inner child. It’s no one’s turn but yourself. You need to talk to the immature emotions for what they are… immature and childish. That’s developing self parenting skills. You’ll always need a parent it just becomes your responsibility to be your own after awhile. Once that’s healed you’ll grow a lot.

When you go to therapy that’s generally the reason they ask about how you grew up and your relationship with your parents. it helps gauge what type of parenting skills you have.

Maybe you had to grow up fast. You have to nurture and protect your inner child. But in an argument it sounds like that child is coming out. Not the parent.

Go to therapy. Any therapist worth their salt will hone in on that pretty quickly. You’re not alone especially someone in their early 20s. I was a man baby until my mid 20s. It fucking sucks but you’re self aware enough where now you have an obligation to your inner child and those that you’re affecting with your behavior.

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MichyPratt t1_j2fch6c wrote

You need to practice thinking before you speak. If you feel yourself overwhelmed with emotions, that is not the time to try to argue. Even if you have a valid point, your actions of screaming and hyperventilating make it hard to listen to you or take you seriously which probably exasperates your poor behavior. Give yourself a few minutes to calm down and wait until you can think rationally before discussing anything that upsets you.

ETA- continue therapy. You need to break yourself down before you can rebuild a better you.

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Disastrous_Ad_8561 t1_j2e5z8o wrote

what are you calling a tantrum? are there examples?

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3ThreeFriesShort t1_j2fgdkd wrote

I have a hard time regulating strong emotions myself, and literally the only thing that has ever worked is just developing that habit of recognizing when its happening and excusing myself until I can be calm.

Some days, I go for a lot of walks. Physical action has a particularly soothing value to it, and helps get me out of my head.

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AorticMishap t1_j2ffymg wrote

I would highly advise continuing therapy. And just tell them exactly how you said here, that you have a tendency to avoid (and why) and they might be able to help you through THAT too

Therapy can be really helpful

But sometimes it feels like it hurts as much as it helps

Think of it like taking stitches out. It hurts a bit, but it’s sooooo much better than leaving it in

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TanjaBauer t1_j2fkvms wrote

Try looking up borderline personality disorder bc you sound exactly like the ppl i know who has it.

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rosyposy86 t1_j2fvxms wrote

From my own experience with getting anxious during conversations of expressing my own needs… I wasn’t taught to self-regulate properly. My parents were pretty shit at that and not really there during some tough times in my life and trying to get me help when I needed it. I resent them for it, a lot. There way of expressing love is by buying things, which means nothing if I get anxious when trying to express myself.

Could this be similar to your circumstance? It could be as basic as not learning emotional regulation and dare I say it, bad parenting.

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