[30M][28F] Fiance has horrible road rage and I don't know what to do anymore to make him recognize or fix it

Submitted by akak2018 t3_1005yhd in relationship_advice

My fiance [30M], who I've [28F] been with for 7 years, transforms into another person behind the wheel and I'm getting fed up with it. He gets easily irritated with pedestrians/cyclists on the road, whenever he is cut off, whenever he sees a sports car speeding down the road, etc. Examples below.

Example 1: If a pedestrian is crossing the road without the walk light being on, he'll try to "scare them" and "teach them a lesson" by accelerating aggressively towards them and braking hard in front of them.

Example 2: Whenever cars stop in the middle of the road to let people off or randomly park in the middle of the road because they can't find parking (which happens pretty often in urban areas like NYC), he'll ram on his acceleration pedal as they step out the door to, again, "scare them" and "teach them a lesson".

Example 3: Tailgating bicyclists whenever they take up the road

Example 4: If a car cuts him off, he'll zoom in front of them and try to cut them off and then deliberately try to irritate them by driving slow in front of them. Same for when he sees someone aggressively driving and weaving in and out of traffic - he'll try to catch up to them and cut them off and deliberate irritate them because "they're endangering lives and need to be taught a lesson", ironically.

I could go on with examples forever. This happens every few weeks, at least. Every time I try to confront him about it, he gets extremely upset and somehow rationalizes it to himself. I tell him his behavior is extremely reckless and dangerous, but he insists that he is not driving dangerously at all because he checks all his mirrors and knows exactly what he's doing. He somehow thinks that what he's doing is a benefit to society because he's teaching all these "really dangerous" and law-breaking people a lesson so that they don't do it again. I've had this conversation with him so many times and he justifies it the same way every time and I just don't know what to do anymore to convince him otherwise. It's extremely dangerous and reckless and I don't want him getting others, himself, or myself hurt (or sued). He doesn't have anger issues normally, but something just transforms within him when he's in a car. What do I do?

TLDR: Fiance road rages but refuses to recognize that he has a problem. What can I do?

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Charming_Serve5752 t1_j2fqcuh wrote

Don't get in the car with him anymore. How many times are you going to let him risk your life? If you ever have kids, would you ever allow your kids to be in the car while he's driving? Break up with him. He's endangering everyone who's driving as well.

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VanMan32 t1_j2fq3zg wrote

He could get himself killed pissing off the wrong driver. I’ve seen news stories of people just pulling out a gun and firing at other cars.

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whatsmypassword73 t1_j2fqlc7 wrote

He’s putting lives in danger and if you stay you’re in danger as well. He likes this, his rage feels powerful and satisfyingly him. Now imagine leaving the hospital with your new born baby and someone cuts him off.

You can’t change him, but you can leave him or refuse to ever get in a car he’s driving again. There is no other choice and no magical thinking will change your circumstances.

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Correct-Sprinkles-21 t1_j2fr3nb wrote

Basically, you can't. This is a choice he is making.

The choice YOU can make is to refuse to go anywhere in the same car with him if he is driving. And if you know he is actively endangering lives on the road, call the cops and give them his plate number.

There are no magic words for turning a shithead into a good person. I'm sorry. There are none.

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Worth_Cow_8076 t1_j2fredd wrote

This would be a deal breaker for me..

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Pale_Height_1251 t1_j2fr9kr wrote

Example 1 was enough for me, this guy is a hazard and a criminal.

He stops or you leave him, simple as that.

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