[24F][25M] getting married this April, but there’s been no intimacy. We have been together for 5 years now.

Submitted by ThrowRA_exit_delete t3_zzyba8 in relationship_advice

We’re suppose to be getting married this April. I’ve tried to imitate things, and help with ways to help him feel more comfortable with himself and me. I’m his first “serious” partner, and he is not experienced at all with intimacy. Meanwhile I have had partners before in the past, but they led me on and used me. He keeps saying that he is scared, and nervous with how things would feel on his end. Is that typical for a guy to feel that way? Even after he’s been with me for as long as he has? He also says that he is not all about s** but that seems odd to me because usually men jump at the chance for it, right? Is there anything I can do to help him feel more comfortable with things? I would greatly appreciate some advice because I am absolutely stuck on what to do. Thank you.

2

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

barukspinoza t1_j2ean28 wrote

Men are not all sex crazed idiots like society makes them out to be. Men can be asexual and be afraid of intimacy. However, 5 years with no intimacy is odd if they do not claim to be asexual. If that is a requirement of your relationship with them (which is perfectly fine) you need to seriously discuss this before getting married. Something is up - even if it is just fear of intimacy. Go to science based therapy together if you want to continue the relationship. Best of luck!

2

ThrowRA_exit_delete OP t1_j2eb9wb wrote

I have tried talking to him and he says he’s nervous on how it would feel. Granite he won’t let me try much with him so it’s hard for me to really show him what it’s going to feel like without us going forward with things.

2

Curious_Cheek9128 t1_j2ebeli wrote

No it's not typical and it's a huge red flag. Do not marry him unless this is sorted out- it will not get better. There is nothing you can do to help except support him in seeking professional help. First, an honest conversation with his doctor and a thorough exam to check for physical issues. Could be hormonal, thyroid etc. Then he needs a therapist to sort this out. This is reddit so I can't make any conclusions. Could be anything from hormonal issues, to trauma, or he's uncertain about his sexual orientation. If he values your relationship he will seek help.

2

ThrowRA_exit_delete OP t1_j2ebnov wrote

I should probably consider suggesting this to him. I’ve been really patient with him over the years but somedays it has been wearing thin based off what we’ve recently done.

2

AutoModerator t1_j2e9slf wrote

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

  • We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

  • Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

  • ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

  • No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

  • All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

  • What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

[deleted] t1_j2eabxg wrote

[deleted]

1

ThrowRA_exit_delete OP t1_j2eb4d7 wrote

I have had it, but he has not. But that was before he and I started going out together. That was almost 6 years ago when I had a partner in that perspective.

1

[deleted] t1_j2ec2gb wrote

[deleted]

2

ThrowRA_exit_delete OP t1_j2ecbt5 wrote

No he is not religious. He has not told me of anything asexual, and has not told me that he was gay. If that was the case, it would really Hurt me that we were getting married. His best friend is also gay, and they’ve been friends since 1st grade. He knows my fiancé isn’t gay.

1

tlf555 t1_j2eaqsp wrote

Does he have strict/conservative beliefs against premarital sex? If not, it sounds like his fear of intimacy is something you should explore before marriage, and discuss in couples counseling. I too would find it odd unless its a religious belief thing.

1

ThrowRA_exit_delete OP t1_j2ebf39 wrote

No. He is not really religious and I have spoken before with him about this. He comes from a very relaxed, liberal-based family.

1