[24F][25M] getting married this April, but there’s been no intimacy. We have been together for 5 years now.

Submitted by ThrowRA_exit_delete t3_zzyba8 in relationship_advice

We’re suppose to be getting married this April. I’ve tried to imitate things, and help with ways to help him feel more comfortable with himself and me. I’m his first “serious” partner, and he is not experienced at all with intimacy. Meanwhile I have had partners before in the past, but they led me on and used me. He keeps saying that he is scared, and nervous with how things would feel on his end. Is that typical for a guy to feel that way? Even after he’s been with me for as long as he has? He also says that he is not all about s** but that seems odd to me because usually men jump at the chance for it, right? Is there anything I can do to help him feel more comfortable with things? I would greatly appreciate some advice because I am absolutely stuck on what to do. Thank you.

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barukspinoza t1_j2ean28 wrote

Men are not all sex crazed idiots like society makes them out to be. Men can be asexual and be afraid of intimacy. However, 5 years with no intimacy is odd if they do not claim to be asexual. If that is a requirement of your relationship with them (which is perfectly fine) you need to seriously discuss this before getting married. Something is up - even if it is just fear of intimacy. Go to science based therapy together if you want to continue the relationship. Best of luck!

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tlf555 t1_j2eaqsp wrote

Does he have strict/conservative beliefs against premarital sex? If not, it sounds like his fear of intimacy is something you should explore before marriage, and discuss in couples counseling. I too would find it odd unless its a religious belief thing.

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ThrowRA_exit_delete OP t1_j2eb9wb wrote

Replying to barukspinoza (#1,233,330)

I have tried talking to him and he says he’s nervous on how it would feel. Granite he won’t let me try much with him so it’s hard for me to really show him what it’s going to feel like without us going forward with things.

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Curious_Cheek9128 t1_j2ebeli wrote

No it's not typical and it's a huge red flag. Do not marry him unless this is sorted out- it will not get better. There is nothing you can do to help except support him in seeking professional help. First, an honest conversation with his doctor and a thorough exam to check for physical issues. Could be hormonal, thyroid etc. Then he needs a therapist to sort this out. This is reddit so I can't make any conclusions. Could be anything from hormonal issues, to trauma, or he's uncertain about his sexual orientation. If he values your relationship he will seek help.

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ThrowRA_exit_delete OP t1_j2ecbt5 wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#1,233,835)

No he is not religious. He has not told me of anything asexual, and has not told me that he was gay. If that was the case, it would really Hurt me that we were getting married. His best friend is also gay, and they’ve been friends since 1st grade. He knows my fiancé isn’t gay.

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