[26F] [30M] I found out my boyfriend cheated on me, and I don't know what to do.

Submitted by Daecii t3_zzupzl in relationship_advice

I have known my boyfriend for over 6 years now. We met in college where we became very close while also maintaining a friends with benefits relationship. 6 months ago, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and we entered a relationship. A few days ago, just days after Christmas, I found out that basically throughout the entire 6 months of our relationship, he has been messaging other women (multiple women), flirting and saying things of a sexual nature. He says he's never done anything physical with these women, not that I have any reason to believe he is telling the truth, but i consider this cheating nevertheless. He sent at least 2 other girls the same message as the one he sent me on Christmas morning. After spending a whole day together, I left to go home at 3 in the morning and before I had even made it home he was messaging a girl trying to get her to come over, saying he wanted to see her. After finding out this information, I felt heartbroken and betrayed and told him it was over. Changed my relationship status, deleted our pictures from social media, and blocked him on social media as well. He eventually got in contact with me, and to make a long story short says he's sorry, he loves me, and he wants a second chance. I told him I didn't know if I could give him that and that I needed time and space away from him. Last night, he sent me flowers and a couple of snacks he knows I like.

I don't know what to do. On the one hand, he was one of my best friends, and I hate the thought of not having him in my life anymore. But on the other hand, he betrayed my trust and broke my heart, and I value myself and have my pride. How could I take him back after he made a fool of me like this? I really need some advice.

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seekeroftruth2020 t1_j2dpnj6 wrote

Some people make really great friends - and terrible partners. He's 30. Chances are its pretty set in stone at this point. This is who and what he is. Non-commital. He had a go at being monogomous and it took him all of a few seconds to start fucking around. What he wants is a stable partner, who will turn a blind eye to his nonsense. He tried you out. You didn't like it. One things for certain though, he might like you a whole lot, but that man does not love you.

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giag27 t1_j2dtoxt wrote

⬆️⬆️⬆️ this!!!! And flowers and ur favourite snacks won’t change the fact that he’s cheater.

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seekeroftruth2020 t1_j2duxwv wrote

I can walk down to the local gas station right now and grab some flowers and snacks. Doesn't mean jack shit.

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MysteriousMaximum488 t1_j2dppdw wrote

I would caution you about getting back together with him. He has shown you who he is, the question is, do you believe him?

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chillun6 t1_j2dqgal wrote

What to do?

First decide whether you can live your life tied to a cheater.

Second: proceed according to first decision

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Anxious-Plant4975 t1_j2dqiz4 wrote

You deserve so much better. The fact that he only showed remorse after he got caught and punished seems really disingenuous. I would talk to him about maybe only staying friends, and even that is waaaaay too generous for him.

It's great that you have too much pride for dealing with his cheating ways. If he really loved you or cared about you, he wouldn't have cheated on you.

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AveryCallahan t1_j2dyasl wrote

he asked another woman to come over. sorry there’s no way he “didn’t do anything physical”. he’s a cheater bottom line. i would trust him as much as i’d trust snoop dog around my weed. if you let him get away with this he’ll find a way to hide it better & continue doing it. he won’t change. find you someone that will love and respect you the way you know you deserve. i think you know what the right thing to do is but you’re hoping to find alternative answers on here. the decision is yours to make. just be careful if you chose to go back. he broke your heart once and he’ll do it again without hesitation

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IdeaEven2648 t1_j2ejlt7 wrote

How would he have reacted if you were messaging multiple men, trying to screw them? Imagine his reaction. Then consider if you sending him presents would've made it all a-ok. Probably not right? What's worse, nothing physical may have happened till now but how long before he finds one who agrees. You got out with no kids, no marriage, no ties to him and no STDs. Don't give him a chance to change that.

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Daecii OP t1_j2em8js wrote

HE "says" he would give me a second chance smh 🙄

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IdeaEven2648 t1_j2emp1f wrote

HA no chance. This further shows how untrustworthy he is. He'll say anything to get the results he wants. You were strong, you walked away. Now stick to that decision. This is not the best you can do, not even close. You don't need to listen to his bs anymore, he lost that privilege when he cheated. Edit: Because I'm petty, I'd make him put his money where his mouth is. Let's see that forgiveness in action. hey, not the most mature approach but it sure would be funny.

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