Please help!

I have previously posted in r/dogs about my boyfriend’s dog’s behavior. To put it as succinctly a possible, I have been in a relationship with a man who has a 2 year old cattle dog/pit bull mix with severe behavioral and separation anxiety issues. I have resentment building that is causing me to feel stressed and moody toward my boyfriend and I hate feeling this way.

My boyfriend of one year and I recently made the decision to move in together. I love animals dearly and have 2 cats of my own so we have slowly introduced our pets. One major issue is that his dog does not do well with cats and chases one of my cats incessantly, to the point where my cat has to constantly hide and live in fear. I feel like my cats have not gotten to enjoy the transition to a bigger space. I am always on edge whenever the dog and cats are home together, even with me there, because I have a fear of something happening to my cats. This is my #1 concern and cause of stress, but I will also outline the other issues.

The dog is also reactively aggressive. She will lunge and bark at anyone she does not know. She’s particularly uneasy around children and has lunged at a child in public. She has bitten my father twice since we moved in because he was helping us move. She bit me when I tried to pet her when she was cornering my friend who was visiting.

Lastly, she has severe separation anxiety, to the point where she will chew baseboards if my boyfriend so much as showers without her in sight. As much as I’ve tried to build a relationship with her and feed her meals, she is bonded to him only and still experiences anxiety even if I’m there. Because of this, he takes her to doggy day care every single day.

This separation anxiety impacts our entire lives. We have to make plans around this and whenever we go out or run errands, we have to make sure he is back in time to pick her up. He used to insist on taking her with us to places, but I gently told him he shouldn’t because she makes people uncomfortable and lunges at children. If he goes out with friends and leaves her with me, I can’t relax as I have to calm her anxiety and ensure that she doesn’t chase my cats.

He recently took his dog with him to visit his family across the country. While he stayed with his family, he also wanted to go visit friends and stay overnight. Because his dog could not stay with his parents because of the anxiety, he had to find a dog daycare there. She caught kennel cough (she is vaccinated). Now, we are stressing over what to do because she can’t be boarded, she can’t be left at the house alone during work, and we can’t have a sitter come to the house because she is reactive.

All of this is making me feel incredibly sad. This time of moving in together is supposed to be romantic and fun. It has been nothing like that. I feel like me and my cats have to walk on eggshells in our own home. I feel scared in my own home. I’m embarrassed to have people come to visit. I worry we won’t be able to have a child in the future because of her. I also feel like we have a child already because of how our entire lives have to revolve around his dog.

On top of that, I’m just feeling incredibly guilty because I do love dogs and I love her. I’m getting so resentful. A lot of times, he will lay on the couch with her and there will barely be any room for me. He cuddles her more than me. So many of our conversations revolve around her. Any date night we have, which isn’t often at all, revolves around her. On top of that, I am dealing with financial stress from moving (my boyfriend insists on splitting expenses halfway but makes a lot more money than me) and lack of intimacy (he doesn’t come to bed with me as much anymore, the sex is the same every time, and he always just asks if I want a “quickie” so we very rarely if ever take our time for intimacy) So now when his dog is between us I feel jealous which is absolutely insane.

I have spoken to him truthfully and told him she needs training. A big problem is that he does not discipline her or redirect her. Even when she bit me and my dad, he just stood there and did nothing because he doesn’t know what to do. I was hoping that he would have a concrete plan by the end of our separate holiday trips. However, it’s still just a vague idea at this point. I recently got kind of short with him and told him that if she were trained this kennel cough thing wouldn’t be a huge deal and that I’m struggling to adjust to changing our lives for her.

What should I do to help myself from just growing more and more resentful? Is this fixable?

Tl/dr: My boyfriend of 1 year has an incredibly difficult dog that has not been trained and is impacting my quality of life. I cannot relax in my own home and fear for the safety of my cats and guests. I need help on what to do moving forward.