Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

• We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

• Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

• ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

• No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

• All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

• What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

First things first, your GF did you wrong, she betrayed you on every level a human being can betray a person and SHE needs to make this right.

The first thing she can do to make it right is to take herself out of the situation she is in. What is to stop Jake from telling her to bend over his desk "or else" pick up that pen "or else" meet me at X place "or else" she has a sword at her neck and she isn't doing anything to remove it. She needs to quit her job and find something else that takes her away from his control. The other thing she needs to do is compile a file of everything that has happened as a safety net against jake in case he tries something dirty. "if you don't leave me alone then your wife gets it all and so does HR!"

Then after that, both of you need to get yourselves into therapy, individual and couples if you want any hope of getting past this. it will take time, it will take consistent behaviour on her part and what ever you need from her, unlimited access to her phone and social media, a tracker app on her phone and a gps in her car (she must not know or she could take evasive actions) continued therapy for both of you, etc.

Maybe after that you will decide you can't do it, you tried and you just can't, maybe you will see that slowly you can get back to what you where before. who knows. but you can't get anywhere if she is still working with the guy she cheated on you with, especially if said guy has power over her and can get her to sleep with him again if he threatens her job safety or a promotion.

Good luck op, I don't envy you. Maybe spend a few nights at a hotel to clear your head and take the time you need to think, just don't drink yourself stupid, you can't think if you get drunk.

[removed]

[removed]

[removed]

Wow you can’t be this pathetic. Dude grow a backbone, your girl is actively cheating on you. You are being the perfect little weak beta and making justifications for her betraying you. Find your spine already, she is trash. Move on and ghost her. Get some self esteem already.

[removed]

[removed]

Having trouble viewing comments, popping up as notifications but not seeing them. Working on it so I can reply.

At first I chose not to see all of the wrong that was served to me, but you are absolutely right that she betrayed the core value of a relationship that I desire, she knew all of my boundaries and where I cross the line and they were all crossed.

Im not confident that if ever those boundaries will be respected if I stay, her issues at work are priority and my issues are an inconvenience that always turn into an argument against me.

While the easiest thing to do would be to leave the job sadly even I agree this isn’t something that can be left easily. She just completed a bunch of college strictly for this profession and got a job that isn’t replaceable where we live so it’s the only option if she’s going to stay where family is or move far away to another location. So looks like that’s a part that will remain and that’s been the biggest downfall of working on anything ever in the future.

I realize all of this points downward really none of this looks good and really there aren’t any things that are good about this. We have no real commitments like a house or kids so I can call it quits any day without any strings attached which is great. I don’t want to waste my valuable time because I have a lot to be happy about but for some reason I stick around thinking there’s something better coming when all things tell me I’m not being valued how I want.

I appreciate the outlook on how it needs to be fixed and giving me a baseline of what I need to expect if I’m going to stick around for another day of this mess

Currently trying to find my spine to put myself out of this situation yessir. I’ve done it smoothly in the past, don’t know what’s happened to me on this one. I need motivation. Fuck I’m definitely a catch and I do deserve the opposite of this. Most of this isn’t really my problem to deal with.

This has nothing to do with all this beta or alpha bull crap, but it does have to do with you being so in love that you’re being purposefully blind and making excuses.

There’s always HR, there’s leaving the job (even if it requires moving away. If the situation is as bad as she says, she’d most likely do it) there’s properly ending the relationship with you. Usually I’m inclined to believe women when it comes to things like these, but her story sounds kinda sketchy to me. Regardless, at least the first time was just old fashioned cheating. Is he her boss or “just” a coworker? There’s ways for her to collect proof of what he’s allegedly doing, but she’s not doing that either. Things like recording conversations or getting him to put anything in writing via text. Having someone “accidentally” overhear a conversation where she expresses her concerns to him about the situation again.

Do you think she is in physical danger? If yes, then it’s time to convince her to become more proactive and put a stop to this.

If she is telling the truth, then she’s still choosing to stay in the situation and not change anything. That means there’s nothing you can do but look out for yourself now. It’s not fair of her to expect you to endure the constant betrayal and hurt. End it asap. Remove yourself from this dumpster fire. I’m almost sure you’ll see her announce a relationship with him soon enough. But I’m kinda jaded Ig.

You deserve better. Be strong and think of yourself in this first. You’ve got this! If she reaches out for help in a platonic capacity later on, you can re-evaluate if you want to help her in any way that doesn’t cross your boundaries. But NC or very low LC might be best for now, if you decide to leave.

Do you really need people on the internet to tell you this man? There is one of 2 possibilities here... Either she is lying to you and just wants to continue banging him while using you, or she is legit being threatened about it at work. If that's the case I'd find it difficult to even give a shit as she cheated on you in the first place. She made her bed, let her lay in it. She needs to report him and/or find a new job. Either of which is not your problem. You're 22 man.. Youve got plenty of time to find someone actually worth your time and effort. End the relationship and walk away. She chose to cheat. Let her figure out the problem she created herself all by herself. If you stay with this girl even for another day you are a complete fool and whatever she does to destroy you further is on you.

Know your worth man.

Yea not even going to read past “ he holding her job over her head” lol man you are a cheater gold mine with how naive you are. Leave

[removed]

Grow a pair, pussy. This chick is dead weight.

[removed]