Submitted by [deleted] t3_zzw2t1 in relationship_advice
I (30f) and “Maddy” (31f) are co-workers but have also been close friends for over 7 years. She is normally a kind, caring and principled person but currently acting so out of character and also against my principles. She was amazing support when I lost my mum and I want to help her but I don’t know what to do and our relationship is being impacted.
She recently split with her partner after he was cheating on her. She was devastated but had, I thought, come through it. She bought a house and focused on work - actually getting a well deserved promotion. She said she didn’t want another serious relationship for a while.
She’s now having a fling with a married co-worker in the same department as her. I found out because she couldn’t stop talking about him in every context “Ed thinks…”, “Ed did this today…”. I asked her and she admitted it.
Worse, she’s more senior and while not his line manager she is part of the committee that reviews performance ratings and pay rises.
He also has a reputation for having done this before.
When I talk to her, she agrees it’s wrong but is sticking her head in the sand that no one will find out. His wife won’t be hurt because she won’t find out, it won’t cause a problem at work because they won’t find out, she won’t be hurt by gossip because no one will find out. I’ve told her it’s not who she is and she says she doesn’t know who she is.
She thinks they’re being discreet, but I don’t think they are and if I can work it out, others will. I’ve heard slight comments about them but nothing concrete. If I say anything, she works on being more discreet.
It’s like she’s an addict and can see the potential harm but can’t stop herself.
I am so against infidelity but I’m trying to be supportive. I’m now not sure if I can do anything but I want my nice generous lovely friend back and this woman who has taken her place gone.
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