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12meninmybackyard t1_j2e84ni wrote

If you want to stay with her, I suggest opening all lines of communication. Ask for the password to her phone and such. Though it's true relationships can't work out without a sense of trust, what you guys should be doing now is rebuild that sense of trust.

>confessed she’s been attracted to a co worker but doesn’t want to do anything with him and tells him that consistently .

Also this? Why is she constantly telling him that when it shouldn't have been a conversation. Are they having alone time together or something?

And about her confessing years later, take everything I say with a grain of salt as we are strangers, but in my experience when someone confesses something and then brings up another issue it's because they want to minimize it and say "look, even though I'm doing something shitty now you can now trust me because I told you about this other shitty thing I hid from you". Again, in my experience a confession brought up in this manner is usually used to hide a bigger betrayal.

Personally I would take a break from this relationship and figure out what I want to do. If she respects you she'd let you have the space. Don't let her use it as an excuse to pursue someone else though.

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Kaidawg420 t1_j2e8vby wrote

This co worker and her go on lunches with other coworkers n they recently had a photo shoot together with some of his friends and apparently he confessed that he could’ve made a move on her at that time but didn’t . Idk why she decided to bring all this up . Another thing she states that she is happy with the relationship but at the same time isn’t and has to convince herself that she is sometimes , she’s upset that I am sometimes short with her or use my phone too often and is upset that my compliments don’t deliver enough and I have to emphasize them more n make her feel more appreciated she says she doesn’t get enough ?

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12meninmybackyard t1_j2ed7c2 wrote

Okay. So first things first, you need to ask her to stop seeing/hanging out with that coworker because that relationship is inappropriate and will be destructive to any progress that your relationship may have. Next step, work for improvement. It's not going to happen overnight, but you and your gf need to have a sit down and come up with plans to have healthy communication and fix issues that bother your partner. If you find that you guys need some help, there are relationship councilors that could.

Example: My partner has told me that he doesn't like how fast I get annoyed or angry with him. That was a personal issue that I was receiving therapy for, and told him that I'll fix it. I wasn't perfect, and apologized when I messed up. But I made a plan with him and adjusted when need be. I told him that when I asked, if he could please leave me alone for a while so I had time to cool off. I know that my short fuse and how I handle my anger is an issue in our relationship, so I remove myself until I can come back level headed. Again a lot of mistakes but after a while of going to therapy and empathizing with my partner, that time grew smaller and I'm not frequently frustrated anymore.

She thinks you spend too much time on your phone? Sit down with her and tell her your sorry for making her feel that way. Tell her you'll fix that, and both of you can come up with plans to fix that. "Hey, whenever you feel like I'm spending too much time on my phone and not enough with you, let me know. Sometimes I'm mentally tired and just want a break, so maybe you and I could have some quiet time on our phones once in a while. I don't want you to feel like I don't appreciate you, so let's set up weekly dates."

Set up clear and reasonable boundaries within your relationship. Work on yourselves as individuals, and with eachother as a couple. I didn't mean for this to come off preachy, so I'm sorry if it did. I just somewhat relate to your scenario. Best of luck.

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Kaidawg420 t1_j2eeimg wrote

Thank you so much for your insight and advice I appreciate it very much and I’m very thankful for you !

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Present-Ad-3819 t1_j2ehqdp wrote

She is going to cheat eventually. Better to end it now then waste more years. Clearly she didn’t live you enough not to kiss another guy or catch feelings for another guy. You said she had temptations, so if she hid that from you she probably acted in them.

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