(23F)(25M) Is it too early for couples therapy

Submitted by BluLilyx t3_1005k4q in relationship_advice

I (23f) have been with my bf (25m) for almost a year. We didn’t get super serious till about 6 months ago. We currently live together for the time being and living together has been very nice. We have no problems with being together but issues arise commonly when we are apart. All of our issue seem to be in communication. We are both introverts but he is very emotionally suppressed while I am not. He is afraid of being vulnerable and expressing his emotions, he has told this to me and he actually feels embarrassed to do so. I am very lovey dovey and I’m really into words of affirmation. We have discussed this and he knows that he will need to open up to me more for the relationship to survive. I have seen some improvement since then but there seems to be a cycle of him opening up more and then closing up and pulling away.

I think it is at the point where we would either need couples therapy or individual therapy. He agrees he should go to individual therapy but I am afraid that he may not stick with it or will have a really hard time opening up to the therapist and may just try to avoid it. Would it be better to start at couples therapy and see if they recommend individual therapy? We really love each other and we align everywhere else.

TL;DR: me and bf have been together for a year and I am considering couples therapy, is it too early?

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k-Unsolicited t1_j2fomxr wrote

Your reasoning for couples therapy is kinds to check on him which is weird.

But there is nothing wrong with individual therapy or yall doing couples therapy for a normal reason.

And it's never too early to do therapy (in most cases) people usually wait until it's too late.

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BluLilyx OP t1_j2fp9lw wrote

Not to check on him, just to make him more comfortable and not alone. It may make him feel better/more comfortable if we are working on the relationship together vs just him getting therapy by himself. He has a super hard time with being vulnerable and I don’t want him to feel pressured by me telling him he needs to go to therapy.

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k-Unsolicited t1_j2fppmc wrote

He can do it by himself then let you know whether or not he was comfortable though. If he is working on himself, it's not going to be comfortable and it probably won't be more comfortable with you there since you told him he needed to open up for the relationship to survive.

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BloomsLawsPoems t1_j2fnent wrote

In my opinion, your reason for not wanting to do individual therapy first and separately is a little controlling. I know it's out of anxiety. Seeing how your partner acts on their own accord and not because you're forcing them to do something is very important information. If he does stop going to individual therapy, it's not your role to force him to start again. It's your role to assess what that means about the relationship and maybe even how much respect he's willing to give you and your wishes

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BluLilyx OP t1_j2fnkvo wrote

This makes sense. I was just unsure on what would be better for us but my anxiety is definitely swaying that decision. Thank you.

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