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barnstablepearl t1_j2eieub wrote

Is your girlfriend homophobic at all? What does she do when her family says something homophobic?

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Hazardous_Youth t1_j2fin41 wrote

She is not whatsoever. She’s pansexual. They said it when she was out of the room.

This is the first time this has happened.

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[deleted] OP t1_j2fjnvx wrote

[deleted]

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Hazardous_Youth t1_j2fk2ps wrote

“I would totally judge you if you were gay” “Yeah I would disown you if you were gay” “Woah, that’s super homophobic…” “Yup! Everyone in this family is.”

I didn’t really know what to say after that.

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Present-Ad-3819 t1_j2ejn4b wrote

I don’t feel like your sister will have to worry about seeing your girlfriends family.

How often does she see them if this has become such a large concern? Is your girlfriend homophobic?

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Hazardous_Youth t1_j2fivze wrote

They have never met. But marriage is a merging of families, so it will happen eventually. Regardless, there may come a day where I have to look my sister in the eyes and say I knowingly brought homophobes into our family?

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jkshfjlsksha t1_j2emnz2 wrote

How does your gf feel?

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Hazardous_Youth t1_j2fir0e wrote

As a pansexual she was extremely hurt and sad.

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jkshfjlsksha t1_j2fwbsn wrote

It’s interesting that you seem more worried about your sister than your gf who is also LGBT. This is her family and she’s part of the community- let her take that lead.

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trilliumsummer t1_j2f6hme wrote

Ask your gf her thoughts. Bring up that your sister will be in your life and you won’t cut her out for bigots. How does she see the future going?

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Hazardous_Youth t1_j2fj4c7 wrote

She put boundaries down about that stuff, but honestly we’re both shocked and still unsure what to do long term.

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trilliumsummer t1_j2fkmxv wrote

Have the boundaries been tested? Push back from her parents? I think when that happens that might be enlightening.

Families don’t always have to merge, but that won’t be possible unless your gf is ok keeping them at arms length.

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[deleted] OP t1_j2ejnqh wrote

[deleted]

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Hazardous_Youth t1_j2fj1od wrote

So far this is the initial step. Don’t have a feeling of closure about this though and it’s weighing on me.

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[deleted] OP t1_j2fjf2k wrote

[deleted]

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Hazardous_Youth t1_j2fjq8a wrote

Uh, because in their hearts they don’t respect or value my sister, as a human being… This is upsetting… and would be more than upsetting to my sister if she found out.

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hideme21 t1_j2folgr wrote

There’s a lot of people out there that are bigots. You can’t change those people. And sometimes you can’t always avoid them. Your job is to protect your sister if you can. You can warn your sister. You can eve ask for her advice. But as long as you don’t purposely subject her to these people, then all should be fine. Big events will be your issue. Like you potential wedding. But choosing your sister over them seems like a simple pick for you.

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Hazardous_Youth t1_j2frh29 wrote

Your comment has been the most helpful, thank you

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hideme21 t1_j2fv0ti wrote

Everyone here is trying to get you to realize the same thing. That you don’t have control here. And that’s ok. But I am glad that I was able to say it in a way to get you to understand.

As long as your gf isn’t a bigot then all is well. She might be able to get some advice from your sister regarding this situation as well. Since she is the one how is most affected here.

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[deleted] OP t1_j2fk0a6 wrote

[deleted]

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Hazardous_Youth t1_j2fkp0v wrote

You don’t seem to understand how this could be upsetting, so we don’t need to continue. Thanks for your suggestion.

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