[19F][21M] fiancé lied to me

Submitted by bingbongbingbonggg t3_10052zr in relationship_advice

Here’s some back story. I(F19) been dating my fiancé(M21) a little over a year now. I know not every relationship is perfect. He treats me extremely well with kindness and our values align. We have a house together and fur children. A couple months ago we had a party at our house and the day of I find out a girl that he knows is invited. Immediately I had a gut feeling about her so I asked him if they had ever been involved. He admitted that: yes, they had been involved but it was just a high school fling many years ago that never got physical. They never had sex or even dated for very long. Disclaimer: I understand that we both have had past sexual partners, I don’t care about that as long as those people stay in the past.

So, because they had such little romantic involvement I concede that it’s fine for her to come over. She ends up drinking too much, puking, and somebody drives her to her boyfriends house.

Fast forward to two nights ago and I’ve become friends with one of my fiancés coworker’s girlfriend(F20). Somehow, the story of this girl coming to our party comes up and my friend says that she knows something and pulls up a text between the girl from the party and her boyfriend. It basically said “you’re not going to tell anyone right?” And her boyfriend said “no.” We ask her boyfriend what it’s about and he tells us.

The girl from the party cheated on her boyfriend with my fiancé a couple months before we had met( June 2021) Not only did my fiancé lie that they had never had sex, she cheated with him! I immediately felt so disgusted that he had allowed this woman into our home. I woke him up and confronted him and he admitted to it all and apologized.

This isn’t the first time he has lied to me about a girl he is friends with, but the other times have been lying by omitting information while this time, he lied straight to my face. He doesn’t talk to this girl regularly or anything or even hang out with her or any friends who are girls. I know he hasn’t cheated on me YET. But I am worried these little lies are going to turn into bigger ones.

Is the relationship salvageable? He has agreed to see a therapist and acknowledged what he did was wrong. I just have no idea how I’m going to trust him again after being so blatantly lied to. He lied right to my face because he knew I would not want her to come. I just feel so gross. This is my first long term relationship so I am still learning.

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barukspinoza t1_j2fkc2p wrote

Hell no, not worth it. Honestly people joke abt Reddit saying break up over nothing but like. Y’all haven’t been together that long, you aren’t married, and you don’t have kids. Trustworthiness CAN be developed, but that’s the key word there. Do you want to find out after a decade plus a couple kids that he hasn’t actually become trust worthy?

You are young and there are good partners out there that don’t do this.

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bingbongbingbonggg OP t1_j2fkojh wrote

Right. I think this is really hard for me because he’s been the perfect partner in other capacities and I love him. That’s why I’m trying to get an outsider perspective to see past the rose tinted glasses

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barukspinoza t1_j2flyht wrote

That is always so hard and I totally get wanting a neutral opinion on it. But of all the perfectness, if you cannot trust your partner 100% there’s always going to be that seed of doubt/suspicion that is going to erode any good foundation that has been set.

Everyone is different and has different priorities, but if I were in another relationship and anything happened that questioned if I could trust my partner or not it’s game over.

Because you can find someone just as perfect that you can trust.

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