You shouldn't have to dip into your savings at all to pay for household expenses and necessities for your SHARED child! That's ridiculous. When one person is a SAHP, the money the breadwinner earns is family money. Someone who loves and respects you would not be watching you drown while he hoards his paycheck. It doesn't matter what your mom and sister think about your financial situation, this isn't about money but partnership. Your husband clearly does not see you as a partner.

> at the same time, he is not abusive

Is this really where the bar is? "Not abusive"? I personally think that threatening to make your life a living hell if you leave IS abusive, and the money situation certainly sounds like pretty cut-and-dry financial abuse, but even if he weren't strictly abusive, don't you think you deserve a bit more than that?