Back story

so I dated a guy for 6 months. First 3 months was pretty cool until he started to make me feel less of a person and more like a tool/trophy. I told him how I felt and it didn't go well. once that conversation had happened he became more and more clueless on how I felt even though I would tell him up front. I would let him know how I felt and I would provide easy solutions. I wanted our relationship to grow not die in a firepit. I was doing more than the bare minimum and he gave me less than bare minimum. anyway I dealt with this for 3 more months and then I broke up with him.

When I first dated him he had his friend group and I had mine. as we dated our friend group slowly merged and became one. soooo when I broke up with him I still had to see him. I was trying to be mature and do an adult thing by letting my friend group know I need time and won't be able to hang out as much. I did that and I recovered from my break up but I still cared for this guy even through he put me through emotional hell. I still cared because he didn't have it easy as a kid, he had terrible friends growing up, terrible exs, mommy and daddy issues. I didn't want to be another "terrible ex" I wanted to show him people can be great, I wanted him to be able to know what healthy relationships can be like. but that doesn't work when the other is rooted in toxic behaviors and doesn't want to change for the better for themselves. He always masks himself in front of a lot of people being crazy/happy but really he's hurting inside because he hasn't gone through that moment of realizing and understanding his emotions he pushes down.

2 months after the break up

Our friend group planned to go to escape Halloween, to which were party animals of course. He told me he was sorry and that he was a bad boyfriend, then he told me the shit I was doing wrong. (is speaking on your feelings wrong when you are being neglected like 90% of the time?) I said that it was okay. and he said no it's not okay. I didn't say anything or commented on the things he was doing wrong because I knew there was no point, I was tired and defeated by his ego. why would he listen to me now. Most of our arguments wouldn't have happened if he just put effort like he did in those beginning 3 months. After the rave on Halloween day he asked if we can try again and repeats all the things I did wrong. I said yeah and commented on nothing on all the things he did wrong. Again, I was tired of fighting because there was no point (all red flag wires went off. I was anxious and scared because of the emotional damage, the gaslighting, the lies, the excuses, not being accountable for his actions.) The relationship lasted a day because he acted like I wasn't there when we hanged out with our friend group. I straight up asked are we dating the next day? he said, "I feel like I'm not ready for a relationship and I don't have time for one." to which I replied, "okay, I'm glad you let me know. I'll see you when ever I see you." fast forward to Christmas he told me why our relationship lasted a day he said he was scared, of what I'm not sure. I didn't asked because he was drunk, I didn't want to pry. what's done is done, his is my friend at this point. he also said his friends told him not date me. (I'm sure they don't know the whole story and they don't even know me, nor did they try to reach out to understand the whole situation) He asked the same question can we try again. I stupidly said yes.

Am I the asshole?

I got drunk and I got sad drunk at my friend group's party. I let him know I wasn't okay and I need help. He then left me and began talking to everyone else while I'm trying to deal with whatever I'm dealing with. I called him out in front of everyone. I told him you're not being a good boyfriend. He walked over and sat next to me all annoyed. (the party continued to party) he said, "what? you're not okay." (obviously, no shit sherlock. I just told you.) All of my hurt just spilled out to him. I told him it was unfair for me to always be there for him and he can't even be here for me now. that he was also careless with with me and he treats me like shit. he seemed frustrated and acted like I was a chore. he stayed for a little bit letting me rest my head on his leg. Moments later he said he too wasn't feeling well and left. I know he didn't want to hear it because it hurt him. I also believe he left the party because it was true.

what do I do now? Do I apologize?