[30F] [32M] I think my husband wants to have an affair

Submitted by ThrowRAaffair1 t3_1003zrm in relationship_advice

I (30F) think my husband (32m) might want to have an affair

This is my first time posting, so please forgive any mistakes. I’ve changed some details to try to stay anonymous.

A few nights ago, my husband (32m) gave me (30f) his phone so I could order pizza. When I was done, I went to close the app by swiping up, and one of the open apps was Reddit. I knew my husband used Reddit because he shows me funny videos sometimes, but I’m not really familiar with the app.

I wasn’t trying to snoop, but the page that was up was the main page of an affair subreddit and one of the posts was gray. I quickly closed both apps and gave him his phone back.

What I saw made me sick to my stomach, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions or make accusations, so I didn’t say anything to him. Instead I downloaded the app and made my own account.

I found the subreddit my husband had been on, found the post I had seen, and there was a comment from someone with a username that I thought could be my husband’s. I clicked on it, and now I’m 99% sure it is him.

My husband has commented on a lot of pictures, asked women how long they are in our city for, and has mentioned that he is traveling to a different city and wants to meet up.

I want to talk to him, but I don’t know how to start or even what to say to him. We have talked about fantasies and stuff before, and this has never come up… but maybe he was afraid to share?

I want to know if he has had an affair. I want to know if I need to have an STD test. I just had a baby a few months ago, and I think they checked for STDs in the hospital, but I am not sure. How can I talk to him about this?

TL;DR I found my husband’s Reddit account and think he wants to have an affair. How do I talk to him about this?

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therealcosmicnebula t1_j2fg5ft wrote

>My husband has commented on a lot of pictures, asked women how long they are in our city for, and has mentioned that he is traveling to a different city and wants to meet up.

Oh yeah.

He's actively trying to cheat on you.

Id screen shot all the evidence (after confirming it's definitely his account).

And wrap it up in a pretty box with a pretty bow and gift him divorce papers along with the comment longs.

Then tell everyone in your life and his life exactly why you're divorcing him. And then move on with someone else.

You're 30. This is the last age to really blow up your relationship and still be able to fairly easily recover and find a new partner and marry and have kids before it's too late.

However if you stay, you'll end up in your late 30s and 40s 20 years out from retirement with kids by a man who likely never changed making it much harder to leave and land on your feet.

I'd consider this the universe giving you a gift.

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ThrowRAaffair1 OP t1_j2fh2cp wrote

I did think about that, but we just had a baby. I don’t want to do something impulsive like that and destroy our relationship if it’s not actually him or if he isn’t really having an affair. I want to talk to him and learn the truth before initiating a divorce. If I knew for sure that he had cheated, I would start divorce proceedings immediately.

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therealcosmicnebula t1_j2fj2pd wrote

>I did think about that, but we just had a baby.

🤦‍♀️

>If I knew for sure that he had cheated, I would start divorce proceedings immediately

Even if he hasn't. If that's his account, I'd consider trying to cheat a divorceable reason.

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SCA_CH t1_j2fsgix wrote

Tell him you downloaded Reddit and searched his profile just to see what he was interested in and saw the subreddits he was commenting on. Ask him flat out to see his phone as his comments were very concerning. If he won’t give you his phone, then you have a pretty good idea that he is hiding something from you. If he does show you his phone, make sure you search all his apps, not just Reddit. Also, if he has an iPhone take a look at the pics stored/shared on those apps (Settings/iPhone storage/“name of app”/photos)

In the meantime, check your cell phone bills and credit card statements to see if there are any phone numbers that you are unfamiliar with that he is communicating a lot with and charges that seem unusual.

Alternatively, if you aren’t ready to confront him, set up a fake Reddit account (using a fake email address) and send him a direct message. Say you saw a couple of his comments on the affair subreddit and you are intrigued. Tell him you are in the area and are looking for someone to meet up with. If he shows interest ask for a spicy pic. This will let you know if it’s him and how far he is willing to go.

I wish you luck!

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The-Clumsy-Pirate t1_j2fmm99 wrote

Cat fish him on reddit, set up a 'meet up', show up to the date and have him explain himself.

Also, dont forget to save all the screenshots before you do any of this

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[deleted] t1_j2fdvs1 wrote

[deleted]

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ThrowRAaffair1 OP t1_j2fepzg wrote

No, I’ve never suspected him of having an affair. This is completely out of left field.

I thought he was happy with our marriage and sex life in general. He has not given me any indication that he is unhappy.

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