I'm a male who has been with my husband for about 6 years. We're both mainly bottoms, so sex is somewhat rare between us - mostly consisting of blowjobs here and there. We have an open relationship so both of us can get our sexual needs met, but I do really love cuddling and spending time with him. We have been partners in so many ways. This has worked pretty well for us, and I love him dearly. I get tested at least yearly, and I know he periodically gets tested as well. We have both talked about getting on PrEP, but COVID happened and we're only now finally getting back to taking care of medical stuff regularly, so we hadn't gotten around to it.

Today while checking when my prescriptions are due for renewal, I saw that his prescriptions are also listed on the health portal, and I looked to see when the prescription I knew about was coming up so that I could make the trip to the pharmacy for both of us. I was surprised to see a medication I was unfamiliar with and unaware he was taking - Biktarvy, first prescribed at least 6 months ago.

What a shock it was when I looked up what this medication was. When I got home from work, I looked at the two pill bottles in his nightstand. One was the prescription I knew about, and the other was had Biktarvy tablets inside (I recognized them from when I looked up the medication, imprinted with "GSI") but was labeled for some other medication.

He has kept his status from me for at least 6 months, and I'm crushed. I feel so very numb right now.

• I'm hurt that he went through this alone and didn't give me a chance to help him through. I knew he was feeling down for several months, but I thought it was due to losing a job he really enjoyed last year. I don't know that I could have helped at all, but it hurts knowing that he went through this alone. That he suffered the existential pain that I can only imagine a new diagnosis of positive would cause for anyone.
• I'm hurt that he didn't trust me enough to share this potentially life-changing news. Did he think I would look down on him? That I would tell someone else? Reject him? HIV is such a common thing in gay society today. From a self-concern standpoint I don't care at all that he tested positive. It's manageable. We can get through this together like everything else the past 6 years. But I do care that he hid this from me. I'm hurt that he lied to me through omission for at least the past 6 months.
• I'm hurt that he didn't care enough to make sure I got tested, too. I would have taken steps to limit my potential risk by getting on PrEP in the case that he is not undetectable. While he does have a job, I'm currently the "breadwinner", and testing positive would limit my career opportunities/longevity. (I hate the term "breadwinner" and absolutely do not look down on the work he does. It brings him joy and it does bring in some money. I just mean to say that my job is the one allowing us to live the lifestyle we currently enjoy, and I don't want us to lose that.) Testing positive would jeopardize our financial future, and it feels like he didn't care enough about our future to make sure I am informed.
• I'm horrified because for at least 6 months I didn't know he was taking this medication. If something had happened to him medically, I would not have been able to make sure health professionals knew that he needed this medication.

Really hoping you all can provide some advice and clarity. At this point, how do I even approach this?

I love him, but I am so hurt by all of this that it makes me question everything we have together.