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McSuzy t1_j6kn326 wrote

I'm sorry but I can't understand what you are trying to say. At all.

What, if anything, is the issue? You seem to have endless annoyingly convoluted pointless conversations with this guy but I can't just read them all. I need you to tell us what the problem is.

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Brave_Bother5162 t1_j6kou90 wrote

it's definitely a lot of pointless conversations! I try super hard to grab the logic out of them to ensure that there's a point! There's a point that he sees but I seriously don't see it, and try super hard to validate his points so that he feels heard/seen. I take so much time to show him that I care about what's important to him, and it's just a lot of work to investigate them all while managing my pain while he's talking to me about me in a negative way.

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McSuzy t1_j6kp1v3 wrote

I just want to point out that you are not closer to actually articulating what is going on and what the problem is. I point it out because I want to know if this is part and parcel of your communication style or if this is just a desperate attempt not to honestly state what is happening.

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Brave_Bother5162 t1_j6kq9c4 wrote

you're 100% right. i'm still traumatized so it's most likely affecting how im communicating all of this.

I don't know what is my communication style. This may be it. If it is, may I please receive your advice on this situation.

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McSuzy t1_j6kr4k6 wrote

Well I can parse out the fact that you're indulging a very damaged man who should not be in a relationship with anyone. Stop doing that. He is not worthy of your time and attention.

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Brave_Bother5162 t1_j6knk8b wrote

That's exactly it. This whole situation is confusing. I'm not really sure how to condense or make this more concise. I wish I knew what the problem is, but it's that all of this happens - and at the end of it, he just wants to be understood at the price of verbal abuse. When it first happens, I approach it logically by challenging what he says until he gets angry then I shut down and have to agree with what he feels.

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McSuzy t1_j6kouud wrote

Well why are you doing that?

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Brave_Bother5162 t1_j6kp321 wrote

because isn't this what relationships do? have discussions to understand each other - i think i don't have enough tough skin to take all of the tough language he uses but i guess it's honest?

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