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[deleted] OP t1_j6mr89k wrote

Reply to comment by gordonf23 in Partner(37F) of 5 years doesn't want me (30M) to go to one of my best friends wedding by [deleted]

Thanks for your response. There's no pressure from me, even though I would love her to come and would love for us to just be able to enjoy it. She hasn't outright asked me not to go, but she has and will give me a hard time if I do. She saw a photo of the bride from ages ago wearing a Native American headdress which also put her off and for her is another reason why I shouldn't go, owing to the cultural appropriation. I agree with the cultural appropriation bit, but I don't think a picture from a festival 10+ years ago is reason enough to not go. I am going to support my best friend, nothing more. She's become pretty hard line on a lot of different things and has cut off a number of her own friends as well. Thanks for your advice, it's much appreciated. I thought I was going mad.

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gRainbird t1_j6n8t2c wrote

Being a POC, it's understandable for her to have her guard up, but it sounds like she's taken things to an extreme in some cases. Yeah, rocking a tribal head dress at a festival isn't great, but I don't think an isolated incident like this, given the context, is grounds to not even want to talk to the person. Her scope of violations seems to be pretty wide from what I see.

Go to your friend's wedding. If she has an issue with it, you need to have a serious discussion with her about what she is expecting for the two of you if YOU aren't black. I know the world we live in has incredible racial problems but if you aren't going to be able to even hang out with a friend who may have said something as trivial as "I don't like rap music" because she will see it as a racist comment, you are going to suffer for the rest of your life.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6ndm1o wrote

Thank you, this is really invaluable advice and I really appreciate it. All I want is to do the right thing but in this instance I was having a difficult time knowing what that looked like. Thanks again for taking the time

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gRainbird t1_j6nf44d wrote

You're welcome. I've been with a Korean American woman for 6+ years and it's been a very important part of our relationship to understand the cultural differences, what she finds offensive and being aware of how she is reacting to something. Thankfully she is really open about it and isn't so wrapped up in it that she lets it ruin relationships.

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