Me (M19) and my best friend/crush (F19) are dealing with an unrequited love

Submitted by Carson_Frost t3_10ps9w3 in relationship_advice

Hi I'm 19 and am currently best friends with a girl (also 19) who means the world to me. I've know this woman for a few months now and she's my absolute 10/10 and she loves how well we click and absolutely adores how I treat her and listen to her, only problem is she's said that she isn't and won't be romantically involved with me ever, I match everything she wants, needs, and desires but I'm not older like she would want. She's currently in a seemingly endless loop with a guy she loves, but isn't ready to move on with her in the next step, she's in pieces right now and I've been there every single step of the way helping with what I'm allowed and can. She knows I love her until the end of life but keeps bringing up the fact that we will NEVER be in a relationship with one another, which is hard to believe is true when your wrapped up and emotionally dealing with another guy who doesn't feel the same. My question is is it possible for her to ever develop feelings for me and give me a chance? If so what are some things I could do during and after her on and off process that could create a bond between us?

Edit: I won't get to tell everybody but any information given is appreciated greatly, regardless if it's agreeable or not.

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ChocolateChouxCream t1_j6m4ntq wrote

To be frank - no means no. Thinking anything else makes you creepy. If you have feelings for her and you can't be friends with her, then don't be. You're not obligated to

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Carson_Frost OP t1_j6m4u65 wrote

I am friends with her and always will want to be, I pointed this out to her and she said no that it's completely normal and ok with me still having feelings and waiting that it wouldn't make me a creep.

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ChocolateChouxCream t1_j6m50et wrote

Well just so you know, if this keeps going you're just staying there as her backup option whether she intends to or not. It's cruel to want someone to have unrequited feelings for you.

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Carson_Frost OP t1_j6m5uhb wrote

It may be cruel but I'm used to pain at this point, if she ends up falling for me it will all be worth it if she doesn't then we will just stay friends forever. I'm just here looking to see if anybody else thinks that she could have a change in heart. I made the girl a promise to always be there for her regardless of the situation at hand.

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Calasy t1_j6mevlm wrote

Get ready to waste a shit ton of years on someone who'll never actually love you and never make you a priority. Putting your entire life on hold after a clear "No" a million times is plain foolish.

You'll regret wasting all this time on someone who never really wanted you to begin with and who literally told you this. I've made that mistake. Don't do it. Distance yourself from this friend a bit and find a woman who actually wants you.

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Carson_Frost OP t1_j6m50tu wrote

We are always on the phone having legitimate on average of 10-52 hour phone call sessions every day for the last 3 weeks even rn as I'm replying she's on the phone with me.

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ChocolateChouxCream t1_j6m51xh wrote

This is irrelevant

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Carson_Frost OP t1_j6m592g wrote

Yes, but any info is good info in my book

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ChocolateChouxCream t1_j6m5bkv wrote

This is just you trying to justify you staying around with her. I'm saying it's your choice to be around her, just know that you'll be a backup option.

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Carson_Frost OP t1_j6m5irn wrote

I'm fine with being a backup option, even if I have to wait. Plus even with my background I still wouldn't be able to block her and remove her if I wanted to.

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ChocolateChouxCream t1_j6m5tdj wrote

Up to you. Definitely the self destructive option and will lead to self esteem issues. Waiting for someone who doesn't like you back is dumb.

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Carson_Frost OP t1_j6m60kl wrote

Agreed but, I've lived through horrible things and am numb at this point, my self esteem died years ago along with my father and girlfriend.

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ChocolateChouxCream t1_j6m63a1 wrote

I'm so sorry to hear that happened. My condolences.

Please get yourself help with therapy rather than resign yourself to a life of no self worth. You can be someone's first choice too.

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Carson_Frost OP t1_j6m69gy wrote

I've already aligned myself being in my last semester of my first year of college and being in the air force I couldn't be more aligned and set on a straight path I'm just trying to aquire my crush along the way, and thank you once again.

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ChocolateChouxCream t1_j6m6ik8 wrote

Also keep in my mind what your lack of self esteem would do to a partner even if she agreed to be with you. It doesn't make for a healthy relationship.

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Carson_Frost OP t1_j6m6tpf wrote

As a very planned an intricate individual, I have kept that in mind, but it's funny because she has given me an unreal amount of self esteem via advice and by just existing. My parents don't understand how she gets me to smile so much by just existing in the room.

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Carson_Frost OP t1_j6m62o0 wrote

And if you haven't seen my edit to the post I appreciate your comments, anything helps.

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southcoastal t1_j6m4yb1 wrote

She’s using you as an emotional crutch to make herself feel better.

All the time she’s hurting with her bf, you’re there to build her up. He should be the one doing that.

She loves having you there to dump on and doesn’t care if it hurts you.

You need to distance yourself because she’s never going to be yours.

And beware, if she dumps him and finds the perfect partner, she will not be there for you any more because she wo t need you.

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Carson_Frost OP t1_j6m57ep wrote

She isn't dating him, or anybody right now, they have a fling where she loves him but he doesn't want to move on with her in life and she isn't liking that, and she knows she's dumping everything on me she's supposed to I told her and made sure that she does, she even apologizes everyday for being emotional or talking to me about it.

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