People who use money as a manipulation tactic suck. Your ex is trash for doing that to you. People who love bomb with gestures, gifts, and spendings only to use it as a weapon against you are narcissistic. You didn’t force your ex to pay for you. He’s full of shit.

I get why you now are distrustful of having people pay because you think it could be used against you. I would just tell your current boyfriend where your feelings are coming from and take solace in knowing you have done more than enough to try to split payments. If your boyfriend insists he’s comfortable paying on dates and doesn’t want 50/50, a nice middle ground is maybe establishing whoever suggests the date pays.

You can come up with some date ideas ahead of time and prepay activities! That way you’re also contributing. I personally don’t find splitting the bill a big deal. It shouldn’t hurt someone’s pride when a partner wants to equitably contribute. :)