Throw away account, my last post was deleted. As the title says, I (19F) really need some advice on setting a boundary with my boyfriend, Jay (20M). We've been together for just under a year and I'm the happiest I've ever been with him but the recurring problem we keep running into is his childhood best friend, Logan (20M). Fake names all around. It's a long story, TLDR at bottom.

For background, I was great friends with Logan's girlfriend, Rose (18F), before they ever started dating. She was a fun person to be around, and we did a lot together until she met Logan, and then I hardly ever saw her anymore. If I did, she had Logan right by her side. Rose was homeschooled and stunning, like the sweetheart in an old western film, but because she missed a lot of dating opportunities, she quickly became codependent in her relationship with Logan who consequently took that power and abused it. One example is that he'd go through her phone and listen to her phone conversations to prove that "if she has nothing to hide, there's no issue with it." And Rose was fine with it.

I'd try to convince her to hangout -just us two like old times- and every time, Logan would tag along. By now he regularly talked over Rose and grossly sexualized things she did (for example, eating sticky buns at a cookout. You can guess where he took that conversation). On three specific incidents I can remember, Logan either directly smacked my rear as I walked by and either played it off as a friendly gesture or "I moved too fast for him to get my shoulder." Rose watched this and laughed. It makes me feel gross thinking about it. He also brought alcohol to my house when I specifically said not to because it's illegal at our age and my parents were there, yet he did anyway. He'd taken to obsessing over my dating and intimate life based off of information he got from spying on Rose's phone, and I started to butt heads with him and keep that information private. These are just a few incidents of many. Eventually, Rose told me that she couldn't talk to me anymore if I was going to be "difficult" with Logan, because even if I didn't like him, he was her boyfriend (which I'm sure was scripted by Logan).

Cue about a year ago. It was Rose's birthday, and I was surprisingly invited so I went, knowing Logan would be there. They introduced me to Jay, who was Logan's friend throughout their school years. I obviously hit it off with Jay and I think that really upset Logan since he wasn't expecting it, and I was now off the harassment menu. For months, I'd get glares and jabs about my past exes whenever we were all together in a group setting from him. Near the 5-month mark with Jay, Logan told him that I was treating Jay like a disposable, second option since I didn't spend every waking second with him like Logan and Rose do. I snapped and Logan and I had at each other's throats, to which Jay said he was no longer Logan's friend, and he wasn't welcome to say things like that.

It was peaceful for 6 months when out of the blue, Logan started texting Jay again. Him and Rose got engaged and Jay is invited to be the best man at their wedding sometime in the upcoming future (I don't know the date). I, of course, am not invited or even told of the news since I'm fairly certain Rose has been told to not contact me under any circumstances. I believe in second chances, but he's had many chances to apologize, and I've made it clear exactly what he did that needs apologizing for. He's tried his tactics with Jay in the past as well and we're both sick of it (ex: tried to get with Jay's ex INSIDE Jay's vehicle, ditched him countless times on outings, etc.).

I don't know what to do! If I tell Jay he can't go, then I am the crazy, controlling girlfriend. If he goes, I don't think I'll be able to get past the resentment because I know if our roles were reversed, I would not attend the wedding of someone who repeatedly harassed and treated him awfully. But I know ultimatums more likely than not end up not working in relationships. I miss my friend. We are so young, and she's too far gone, and the same person that manipulated her is trying to get his hands on my boyfriend under the guise of being old friends.

Jay has told me this because he doesn't know what to say. We're going to have a serious conversation about it tonight and I need help with what to say. I know that allowing Logan to have this one thing will only lead to him pushing further and further, like he always does.

TLDR: My boyfriend's old friend we cut off for repeatedly harassing me is engaged and wants him to be a part of the wedding, while making a point to exclude me. I don't know what to do.

I will do my best to answer questions and clarify things, I am writing this emotionally charged and I apologize for any mistakes.