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r_coefficient t1_j6ngau3 wrote

What do you gain from being in this relationship?

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Panic_Pixie OP t1_j6nhavm wrote

The standard answers. I love him. Our good days make me happy. It's nice to not be alone...

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hideousfox t1_j6o502r wrote

I was in a similar relationship and I left. I felt alone and lonely all the time while in the relationship. I'm single over a year now and I don't have these feelings any more.

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Panic_Pixie OP t1_j6o5d1y wrote

I do feel lonely, even when we are together. We were watching a movie and he was staying at his phone for most of it just scrolling through Facebook.

I just want to feel wanted...the only time he shows interested in me is when he wants to get physical, and I am just not interested with this emotional gulf in the marriage. And he thinks that's the main problem...

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hideousfox t1_j6o5pjk wrote

That's the main problem because he only cares about stuff that affects him. I mean you can try and make him realise he's at fault, but it seems like he's entirely unresponsive and does not want to work on the relationship. The longer you stay, the more time you waste.

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Panic_Pixie OP t1_j6o6gdd wrote

He twists everything to find a way to no be at fault. I woke him up one day last week because he was supposed to go get important papers while I worked from home and he was oversleeping. I tried three different times to shake him or say his name, but nothing was working. So I went in and said louder (not screaming but slightly louder than my normal talking voice) "Husband Name, if you were going to get the documents, you need to get up and get going". His first words to me once he was up were "I've told you before how to wake me up. You have to be nicer." He was mad I 'go straight to yelling" when I wasn't even yelling and he didn't hear me when I tried to be quiet...

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hideousfox t1_j6ocr5k wrote

Girl, you know this is not normal. He's doing it on purpose and this example proves it unfortunately. He feels secure and like you're never going to take any action against his behaviour. He will not change... I know it's not what you want to hear, but it would be best if you did not waste your life on this man

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Panic_Pixie OP t1_j6odj9g wrote

Yeah, I know. I guess I was hoping for some magic solution. Thanks for the reality check.

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hideousfox t1_j6odvad wrote

It's definitely not easy to leave but it's 100x times fulfilling than staying in a dead relationship. I never regretted leaving. I hope you'll find strength

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r_coefficient t1_j6nhyf6 wrote

But you're not "not alone" if you don't communicate. And in a healthy relationship, you don't have to count the good days.

I left my emotionally abusive partner after what was wayyy to long, and am now in a very happy marriage. One thing I learned: You can't be open for a great relationship when you're hopelessly trying to fix a bad one.

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