My ex (m29) had sex with me (f27) after he decided to break up with me - feeling violated

Submitted by supergirl724 t3_10qcnrq in relationship_advice

My ex (m29) decided he was going to break up with me (f27) a month ahead of actually breaking up with me. He blindsided me when he broke up with me. After he had decided to break up with me, he made no effort to have a discussion about our relationship or let me know how he felt or try to work on things. It’s disappointing and inconsiderate, but I can’t force someone to be with me so it is what it is.

However, he was intimate with me multiple times during the month after he had decided to break up with me. He took me out on a date night the night before he broke up with me, knowing it was our last night together. I am feeling incredibly violated and creeped out. He initiated intimacy during this month, and claimed he loved me. When he broke up with me, he said he lost feelings months ago and no longer loves me. This is direct contradiction with what he claimed during the last month of our relationship. There was no infidelity (on my part at least) and we had been together for over 2.5 years.

(Added for clarity): He broke up with me 30 minutes prior to leaving for a trip he bought me for Christmas. Since it had been less than a month since Christmas, I asked if this was the plan when he gifted me the trip. He confirmed it was. This further upset me because I had gotten excited to leave for this trip over the course of 2.5 weeks only to have the rug pulled out from under me immediately prior to leaving for the trip. I flew home to my parents house, and he ended up going on the trip by himself.

After he broke up with me, I confronted him by saying he was taking advantage of me when he was having sex with me during this period. He replied saying “your accusation is disappointing, vindictive, and untrue” and refused to apologize for this. Now I am starting to feel guilty for even bringing it up. Is he gaslighting me? Should I feel bad for bringing this up?

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trishsf t1_j6p7nb7 wrote

He behaved selfishly and horribly. You aren’t going to get an apology from someone like that. Be glad he’s in your rear view mirror. No contact.

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