Submitted by tasfa10 t3_10q1so4 in relationship_advice

She's been staying over regularly for the past few months but she's very introverted, she needs her own space a lot and she also feels the need to follow plans and routines in a way that's very at odds with how I am. I'm sort of a chaotic type of person, I do things impromptu, I'm not exactly tidy, etc. I always make sure the house is clean and in order before she comes, I always did, but I thought it would be nice if I offered to empty a drawer so she could keep some of her stuff here and she accepted. Sometimes it's a bit frustrating because, as I said, I often try to do things impromptu, but she's not very comfortable with that and she has since said being able to keep some of her stuff here could help with that in the future. She hasn't come over since and I think it would be caring of me if next time she came not only I had taken my stuff out of that drawer but also stuffed it with some things for her to help her feel comfortable here. I thought I could get her the same toothbrush she uses at home, maybe a pair of slippers, a phone charger, a chocolate she likes and a note. (Obviously, I'm not going to make her keep her toothbrush, slippers and food all in the same drawer, it's intended as more of a gesture than anything else). So I'm wondering if anyone has any general suggestions on helping her feel more at home here (other than keeping the house tidy and clean) and if you have any specific suggestions of things I could put on that drawer for her that would be really nice as well.

TLDR: I want to help my gf feel more comfortable staying over. I'd like both general suggestions and specific suggestions of stuff I could get to keep in a drawer just for her.



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Nurgle_Marine_Sharts t1_j6nd364 wrote

Might be helpful to inject some more structure in the time you spend together. Like if she prefers schedules, you could get a calendar and mark days/times when you want to spend time doing certain activities, or maybe other days where you are together in your place but have time to do things alone together... if that makes sense.

My gf and I do this, where we set up an hour or two a day where we both go into our own rooms and spend time alone doing whatever we want. We are both kinda introverted so it helps us decompress and relax.


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biopticstream t1_j6nhxgn wrote

First things first, if you wanna help your GF feel more comfy staying over, you gotta let go of that impromptu sh*t. Like seriously, she's an introvert and needs structure, plans, and routines. If you wanna keep her coming over, you gotta play by her rules and clean up your act.

As for the drawer, good on you for thinking ahead. That's a solid move to show her you're making an effort to make her feel more at home. Here's what I'd suggest:

  • A toothbrush, toothpaste, and mouthwash
  • A pair of slippers or cozy socks
  • A phone charger (get her a cute one, not just any old sh*t)
  • Her favorite snacks or chocolates
  • A cozy blanket
  • A little plant or flowers (real or fake, doesn't matter)
  • Maybe some skincare or beauty products if you know what she likes

And for the note, write something sweet and heartfelt, let her know how much you appreciate her and how much you want her to feel comfortable here. Don't be afraid to get a little sappy, it's a nice touch.

Also, consider setting up a cozy reading nook or a designated spot for her to relax. Maybe put a few books or magazines that you think she'd like. Or, if she's into music, maybe set up a speaker or a record player for her to enjoy.

And finally, always make sure the place is tidy and clean. That's a no-brainer.

Hope this helps, bro! Good luck!


1aurenb_ t1_j6nsbqt wrote

>but she's very introverted, she needs her own space a lot and she also feels the need to follow plans and routines in a way that's very at odds with how I am.

Honestly, she might just prefer staying at her own home. I am incredibly introverted and even when I was dating someone I loved, I still wanted to sleep in my own bed most nights. I can't get a restful sleep sharing a bed with someone else. Offering her the drawer is very sweet and I think ensuring she has the things she needs to be comfortable at your place is a great idea, but she still may need her alone time in her own space.


xcrisisx t1_j6ndnft wrote

Break up with them.