I (22F) think my boyfriend (22M) is possibly cheating?

Submitted by [deleted] t3_10q8zes in relationship_advice

I'll keep this short. Perhaps my insecurities are acting up, maybe even I'm being unreasonable, but I feel like my boyfriend is ...hiding something.

Now i believe in boundaries and having privacy- but im never allowed on his phone. Or on his computer even for a second. I also get vague or passive answers when i ask his "whatcha up to" questions, esspecially when he says hes hanging out with friends.

Now, this guy is a great guy. We met in college and we actually have a lot in common! Education, hobbies, interests, hell we even agree on politics. Hes kind and sweet. Never mistreated me. Physically or emotionally.

However, im very much an outsider. Yes we share friends but technically I met them all by chance. Education class wise im a 2 years older than them all, and months to a year older in actual age.

So they all know eachother better. well, the other day we met with a friend, lets call Missy. Missy and my dude knew eachother since freshman. However we are all close, especially in our field of academics. Yet when we all met up, Missy and my boyfriend hugged and lingered over eachother quite a lot. More so than i had noticed before. I didnt say anything. its probably nothing.

later on in the convosation, it was revealed that they txt....a lot. Which is fine because friendship!

Then as we left, I took a second to look at them and they were so natural. Like couple natural.

I admit, i may be a bit jealous..and a part of me wants to ask questions-but I dont because what if im just letting my fears cloud my judgment? Why possibly ruin friendship with my insecurities?

The immature part says just break up and take my losses....but I dont want to just end things on a whim. I want to make this work.... I just hate feeling like somethings going on behind my back.

Any advice?

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yowen2000 t1_j6oksg7 wrote

You have nothing conclusive. So at this point, all you can do is keep an eye on it. Not being allowed to use his phone or computer is a possible sign, but that's it: possible, he could just be a private person or a person with a shitload of porn. Who knows, lol.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6okzdu wrote

id rather the porn than a secret relationship haha. thank you

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SleepFlower80 t1_j6olclr wrote

I think expecting access to someone’s phone and/or laptop is a red flag. People are allowed privacy, even in relationships. Him not allowing you access to either isn’t ringing alarm bells.

At this point, you have nothing. No evidence, just a feeling. You could either talk to him or just keep an eye on things and see how they pan out.

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yowen2000 t1_j6olvf3 wrote

Early on in a relationship I agree with you, but at some point you have to be comfortable enough with each other to let your s/o briefly use your device.

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SleepFlower80 t1_j6om3y2 wrote

No, you don’t. There’s absolutely no reason for any partner to ever have my passcodes. I was with my ex for 12 years and neither of us had access to the others’s devices, nor did we ever ask.

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yowen2000 t1_j6orobi wrote

I let my girlfriend play games on my phone, use it to take pictures and a few other things in situations where her phone isn't handy. She does the same for me. We trust each other, and neither of us uses it as an opportunity to go digging through texts, browser history or anything else.

At some point saying "no" to "can I use your phone to do <insert innocuous task>" get's weird.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6olmvd wrote

well, i dont expect it. what i meant when i dont have my stuff and i ask "hey can i borrow that real quick"
and he always says no. I believe in privacy....but still hes allowed to look at my computer or phone and use them when he asks

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