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trishsf t1_j6jfit5 wrote

Woman here. At first I thought, I like to wear sexy underwear just because it feels good. But. If she’s not wearing it around you then she’s probably wearing it for someone else.

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LaSorbun t1_j6lav98 wrote

>I confronted her about it and she told me she tried it on.

I think she was telling the truth when she said she didn't have them on for very long...

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[deleted] OP t1_j6jg79o wrote

[deleted]

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thriftydelegate t1_j6ljjex wrote

Were you not able to come up with a different story instead of reposting someone else's?

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[deleted] OP t1_j6ljyn9 wrote

[deleted]

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thriftydelegate t1_j6llbkd wrote

This was posted with the same details within the last few months on at least one other sub

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pbblankgirl t1_j6klore wrote

>She texted back: “ Because I tried them on that one time and forgot about them and they’ve been in my bag since. I didn’t like them so I forgot all about them.

Why was she taking this lingerie to try on at work? Doesn't make much sense when she could try them on at home.

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Ebbie45 t1_j6lt9da wrote

Honestly, they both should probably not be together. A couple weeks ago he posted that she works 100+ hours a week to support their family of 4 kids and he doesn't consider it as her supporting the family. (To be clear, he did work most of their marriage while she stayed home with the kids).

She was also 19 and he was 25 when they got married and when she first got pregnant with the first of 4 children, which makes me wonder how old she was when they started dating. Additionally, according to other deleted posts in his history, he's been looking to hook up with multiple other women.

He also smashed her phone and assaulted a client his wife was having a conversation with. Apparently he drove to her workplace at 1:30am at night and beat the guy up then grabbed her phone and "smashed it into pieces." Edit: The same guy he mentions in this post whom she was sitting on the couch with talking to with the door open, it sounds like.

He says in another comment his wife has sent photos of herself in the lingerie to the client, so it does sound like she's cheating. But sounds like OP has tried to multiple times as well and their marriage sounds extremely unhealthy - not just on her end.

This current post presents a very one-sided view of their relationship. Neither of them are in the right, and I'm concerned for their kids. They have 4 young children, their mom sounds like she's cheating on their dad, their dad sounds like he's trying to cheat on their mom, and their dad violently assaulted someone and broke his wife's property. Cheating is wrong, but violence is too.

One of his previous posts.

https://www.unddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10dkof5/30m_24f_looking_for_honest_opinions_and_what/

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Evaporate3 t1_j6lus0j wrote

She basically he reaped what he sowed. Edit: he deleted the post lol

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Ebbie45 t1_j6lv1ie wrote

> he deleted the post lol

Oh it was already deleted when I found it. I used the camas unddit tool.

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benjm88 t1_j6max2i wrote

A crazy amount of missing reasons, they badly need to separate.

Thanks for digging

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Toast-In-Mouth t1_j6m9h7l wrote

Wtf? Dude is abusive, controlling, and a cheater himself. Quit possibly a groomer too if she was 19 when they got married.

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SCA_CH t1_j6kbjqm wrote

I think I remember your post from before.

Doesn’t your SIL believe your wife is also being inappropriate with the neighbour of your wife’s client? Hasn’t she been sending him pictures of herself in the lingerie?

If so, putting all this together, it does sound like your wife is having an inappropriate relationship with this man.

I personally do not bring lingerie to work to try on, especially if I worked in home aid.

Sorry!

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Heavy-Ad-5264 t1_j6k7aqv wrote

It has the shape of an affair, stinks like an affair and smell like affair, maybe is it an af... I would separate finances and everything else, yk, just in case, im against snooping but a look at her phone doesnt hurt

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achinfosomebacon t1_j6jh0ip wrote

She either stole that lingerie when she got off work or is cheating. Only two reasons it would be in her work bag but if you’ve had other suspicions I’d go with she’s cheating. Sorry you’re going through this.

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GreenSoxMonster t1_j6jjubp wrote

When you say marks on underwear you mean discharge? It would have to be crazy timing to get that from just tryin underwear, depending on where in her cycle she is. Almost impossible. Discharge doesn’t only come when aroused but it also isn’t a steady stream. Sorry.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6jl7aj wrote

[deleted]

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mdg711 t1_j6l4dju wrote

Hire a PI then you will know. Don’t bring it up again until time passes so your wife will think everything is ok and let her guard down

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[deleted] OP t1_j6l5xdx wrote

[deleted]

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For2n8Witchling t1_j6l8pn1 wrote

Better yet, demand she hands over her phone, unlocked, and scroll through her messages. 🤷 Idk. If she has nothing to hide she won't balk at it.

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mdg711 t1_j6l6ndg wrote

Ok, keep it cool until you have the funds then do it to ease your mind

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FSmertz t1_j6l1o37 wrote

Hmmm. If you are suspicious of her having sex with anyone besides you, you can use this product called Check Mate that detects semen or seminal fluid on fabric such as undies.

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shesprague23 t1_j6ldcyf wrote

I have no idea about whether or not your wife is doing anything inappropriate, but i will say that i have a lot of matching bra and panty sets that i don't really consider lingerie and i do wear them for myself, not just for my boyfriend. I also have true lingerie that he's never seen because I've bought it but just didn't end up feeling confident enough to wear it or am just saving it. I also have some borderline sexy matching PJ sets that are lingerie-adjacent, and I'll wear them on a business trip just because it feels like fun and fancy and adult to lounge in a hotel room alone in something sexy. I've never cheated but your exact situation could have feasibly happened to me.

Not saying there's nothing nefarious going on, but her explanation about the underwear would track for me. Sounds like there's more that's setting off alarms for you though.

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Evaporate3 t1_j6lv1ez wrote

Felt sorry for you until I read the comments.

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cloudnineamy1217 t1_j6nct36 wrote

So you're abusive and your wife cheats? What a lovely environment you're raising all those children in.

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jkjwysa t1_j6kwu3v wrote

I don't know about the other stuff but I find it strange you're fixating on what sounds like a black bra and panties. I wouldn't call that lingerie even if it was lacey.

Regardless of everything, it sounds like you no longer have any trust in your relationship. Cheating or not, you have a problem.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6liz7q wrote

[deleted]

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grissy t1_j6lurfc wrote

You might need to, because if they're a regular black bra and panties that just happen to match then you may be overreacting. If they're some Frederick's of Hollywood number then situation is probably exactly what it looks like.

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FSmertz t1_j6kzsv9 wrote

My initial thought was whether she stole them from a client's home. In her line of work you are trusted with someone else's home and possessions.

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eyecicey t1_j6lq14b wrote

She says they are a cheap set , get the details and look them up online... Otherwise get the product that looks for things that shouldn't be there

Get proactive to put your mind at ease one way or another

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Deadaim156 t1_j6o961b wrote

OP you are a controlling POS and yes your wife is cheating probably because you are abusive with her. Divorce her so you can go be alone and your wife can actually have a non-abusive man in her life. Get some therapy. You need tons of it.

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grissy t1_j6luy4c wrote

I've got one question. Does your wife usually keep a change of clothes and underwear in her work bag?

If this is the only time you've ever seen clothing in the bag and it just happens to be mystery lingerie then yeah, that's pretty damning.

If she normally travels with a full change of clothes or underwear then this may not be quite the smoking gun you think it is. You've been pretty vague about what they look like and "black bra and panties" could mean just about anything. If it's just underwear that happens to be black that you haven't noticed before that doesn't sound like a huge deal by itself.

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IllVast4743 t1_j6l6eve wrote

You can’t be this clueless, grow a backbone already. Of course she is cheating. There is no other explanation. Now find your spine and kick that garbage to the curb.

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Gosc101 t1_j6lw3md wrote

You can't make a liar tell the truth. If you need confession to break things off then let me tell you, you will never get one. Just break up with her. You don't need to explain yourself to her, she doesn't deserve it.

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anil_robo t1_j6m5nxb wrote

This is why I do not recommend "talking" to your partner. They always come up with a logical explanation that still does not remove your doubt. My advice is: Trust your gut. Your gut is raising so many questions even after her seemingly logical explanation, so you know what to do.

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tuna_fart t1_j6m9p1u wrote

You know what hats going on, dude.

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TiredOldLamb t1_j6n6q9s wrote

This post is a mess and she's probably cheating, but man, do you remember all her underwear by heart? I don't even remember all mine. "I've never seen this underwear, she must be cheating" is a weird stance.

You obviously don't trust her, you don't need reddits validation. Don't stay in a relationship with someone you are convinced is cheating on you.

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dv9009 t1_j6lzyfw wrote

Haha come on, it is clear she is cheating. That excuse is horrible.

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rekkodesu t1_j6mo45b wrote

Yeah I don't um... leave residue on my underwear just trying them on for a moment. She was definitely wearing those for a while. For someone? Who knows. Women do wear sexy underwear for just themselves. I know I do.

But also skimming posts maybe you're kind of an asshole, so maybe just accept your relationship is ending and move on separately.

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Crazy_Perception_731 t1_j6k09cs wrote

Updateme!

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[deleted] OP t1_j6kg2rq wrote

[deleted]

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Electrical_Promise89 t1_j6kzn73 wrote

You don’t say that you used your adult words to explain it was supposed to be a surprise or you communicated anything! Weird that but on the off chance how did you explain it away!

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Troyler4Life t1_j6lbpas wrote

I just told the truth. I was planning something for you.

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pbblankgirl t1_j6kljj0 wrote

Nobody here needs you to be a devil's advocate.

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[deleted] OP t1_j6klymw wrote

[deleted]

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pbblankgirl t1_j6km3a4 wrote

But you didn't share advice. You told your own story with zero help for OP.

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grissy t1_j6l7o38 wrote

People do that here all the time and no one says a word. I think you’re just offended here because you disagree with their take.

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wigglebuttbiscuits t1_j6jg9ho wrote

I’m confused…it sounds like she was talking to a colleague who she works with on a night shift, and their work location…and you don’t think they should be doing that?

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