I (36f) got annoyed at my husband (40m) for not standing up to his family for me

Submitted by ThrowRAblueflower t3_10q4s5y in relationship_advice

I (36 f) and my husband (40m) of 7 years went to my in laws for dinner last night, with our 4 year old son.We don’t see them often since we don’t live so close(about 4 hours driving). So I will get straight to the point, I am heavily pregnant (7 months ) and I really can’t eat everything. His parents of course know. They usually don’t cook much and yesterday they decided to eat salad with bread ,ham, salami, smoked salmon,soft cheese etc. everything that I can’t eat at the moment.I ended up eating two oranges, that’s it. I can of course eat salad if properly washed but they didn’t , they just took out the salad from the bag and put it on the table. I need to wash fruits and salads properly before I eat them because of some bacteria/diseases I could catch that could be harmful for my baby(we are expecting an other boy). I also need to eat very well cooked food, my dietician gave me a specific diet to follow and my husbands knows that. Of course I could have washed the salad myself , but I wasn’t comfortable in doing it, since it isn’t my house, I didn’t grow up there and they aren’t my parents. So I was expecting my husband to say something ,to wash the salad himself and to cook something quick for me (like boiled eggs ) . But he didn’t . So everyone ended up eating lots of food (the table was actually full of delicious food) and I didn’t. In fairness he asked me if I wanted something else, but I was expecting him to cook/clean my salads etc . As I said I wasn’t feeling comfortable to ask him to cook for me in front of his parents. We left that I was actually starving. When we went back home,I told my husband how I felt, he apologized immediately saying that he didn’t realize it and that he always feels uncomfortable around them and that they make him nervous and that I am right , he said it won’t happen again. I know he feels this way,they really don’t have the best relationship but I really was hoping for him to say or do something about it. I don’t know if my mother in law did it on purpose or not, but she did the grocery shopping and she had 4 children so she should have known better. She didn’t even say something about me not eating . I know my husband is sorry and he said he will stand up for me next time, but I still feel a bit upset. I need some advice , do you think my mother in law did it on purpose ? Maybe are just my pregnancy hormones

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bus_emoji t1_j6nvct8 wrote

Your husband cannot read your mind, even at 7 years of marriage. Ask to talk to him in private and tell him what is going on in the moment. If you explain the issue, he would have an easier time understanding the problem and solution. Right now, all he knows is you didn't eat much and you're mad at him.

As someone who has parents, understand this: they forget what they learned about pregnancy and development pretty fast. Kids are a whirlwind. She also had different information in her time, which probably promoted eating vegetables straight from the dirt or something for added minerals. I have a hard time believing there was any real malice.

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DplusLplusKplusM t1_j6o3ei4 wrote

Your standards for eating during pregnancy are far more restrictive than average and so you should have mentioned this before you got there. If your husband isn't prescient you should have prepared him that you'll only eat a very limited menu and that he should notify his parents to have something on hand that you'd be willing to consume. To wait until you got there and expect people to have read your mind is a bit extra. Most people aren't super comfortable around their in-laws, that's normal. But if you're going to be on such a strict diet you need to let people know (before you show up at their house). Next time maybe just bring your own food so this doesn't become an issue.

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WeeklyConversation8 t1_j6ovs4v wrote

Actually no. Not eating soft cheese and lunch meat as well as washing salad mix has been a thing for pregnant women for decades. I think even the smoked salmon has too. I was told no shellfish either and fully cooked steak.

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Crazy_Perception_731 t1_j6pf66y wrote

Why couldn’t you just whisper to your husband what you needed. You are expecting people to read your mind.

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