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ur_so_cool_ t1_j6oymgh wrote

Stop trying for a baby ASAP and break up. If you do get pregnant and settle down, the issues with his sexuality will likely not resolve themselves. You don’t deserve to be “cheated” on even if you decide to technically allow it, and you also don’t deserve to have a partner that resents you for not letting him explore other options. You’re both young. He needs to figure out what he wants for himself, and you deserve someone that is certain about you.

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nightowl2023 t1_j6oyeo5 wrote

My fiancé wants to cheat on me.

That's what this post needs to say.

Driving a new way home to see if it's faster is an experiment. You are testing to see if a desired outcome is true or not.

What outcome does sleeping with a guy present him with if he is bisexual? Is he trying to confirm whether or not he likes women? Or his he just trying to "live life" before he gets married?

Personally, I would call this marriage off.

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megtato t1_j6ozu3e wrote

That’s my reasoning behind not being okay with letting him experiment. Because if he prefers sex with men, I’d be heartbroken. If he doesn’t like it, I’d still be heartbroken that it even happened.

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nightowl2023 t1_j6p1myj wrote

The actual problem here is the lack of commitment.

For example, I physically "prefer" women that don't have the body type of my wife and I always have. But that doesn't make it okay to invalidate the commitments I made to her and emphasize my fantasies over her.

Because then I'm no longer happy with the person that I have.

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RandyFunRuiner t1_j6oztmj wrote

This is very much a reason to get cold feet.

Your fiancé realized something about himself and feels the need to explore that. That’s fine in and of itself. But that also means that he’s not ready to “settle down” and commit to being in a monogamous relationship and marriage to you. That is also okay. But that is the reality that the two of you need to accept.

You know you’re not interested in a form of open relationship where he’d be able to explore his sexuality physically with men while also committed to you. That’s fine. The two of you need to have an honest discussion about what you both want and need for your lives and from each other.

If you come to the conclusion that he needs to explore this and he can’t be happy and healthy without doing that, and you can’t be happy and healthy in a relationship where he does, then that just means it’s not the right timing for you two. And that can be okay. Sometimes we meet great people but at the wrong time in our lives and that just is what it is.

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biteme717 t1_j6p29yw wrote

Set him free and break everything off and walk away. Sorry, but I personally think that he's been experimenting already, and I would get tested for STDs. Tell him that you don't want to be married to a bi sexual person and that he needs to go figure himself out. Good luck

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megtato t1_j6p2hhy wrote

We live and work together, he literally hasn’t been without me for years now so he hasn’t had the chance to experiment.

And I’d have no problem being married to a bisexual, since I’m one too. That’s not my problem here.

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DanInBham1 t1_j6p6a47 wrote

I don’t know what to tell you to do. But I will tell you not to continue a relationship forcing him to suppress his feelings. Do that and you can get married but you will also get divorced. I’m not bisexual but I imagine that if he doesn’t explore at least a little then you can never be certain of your relationship. Is it possible you can explore this together? Could you invite a guy to have sex with both of you? Maybe try swinging? I completely get it that you don’t want to be in an open marriage. But there are ways to keep the door closed but unlocked.

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megtato t1_j6p6ty6 wrote

Probably should have added this but we tried an open thing (another female) which he basically set up without me knowing, (she was my really good friend at the time) and suddenly it was like woah okay so there’s 3 of us now? And I hated it, there would be absolutely no way I could be okay with him sleeping with anybody else regardless of gender while we’re not only dating but literal wedding planning.

This ended horrifically and I became a whole other person, it wasn’t nice.

He has autism and blames basically every mistake on the fact that he’s autistic so I never feel like I can actually be mad at him.

Now I’m typing this all out it sounds like a horrible relationship but he’s honestly my soulmate

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DanInBham1 t1_j6p8rdx wrote

I wouldn’t say it sounds horrible. Challenging not horrible. Mental illness is an explanation not an excuse. So you are allowed to be mad. If someone unintentionally hurts you then you are justified in still feeling hurt. We learn to live with a lot of regrets in life. To me this would be a big regret for him to live with. I don’t see how he could live with this regret and not be angry or resentful or even unfaithful. You sound like a good and loving couple, so it’s not easy to just say “break up.” But it feels like that’s what I want to say.

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