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little_owl211 t1_j6mpp7z wrote

Bro I get you're upset but you sound super selfish rn. Celebrate some other time! Valentine's days is just a random ass date, your gf needs your support during this time and you are upset that you can't do what YOU want? Sorry but it feels like you are more interested in yourself rather than actually being there for your gf and love her the way she needs you to.

If you want a day to show off your love cool, I think that can be sweet, just sit with her and pick a date.

Oh and your mom and sister are very rude but they have a point, this memory won't disappear, it's quite traumatic and it doesn't seem like you can handle it. Doesn't mean you can't improve tho, maybe you should ask yourself why it's so important to you?

23

Sensitive-Honey t1_j6mqa4p wrote

Replying to little_owl211 (#1,656,860)

came here to say this. valentine’s day is just a set day for all the shops to sell their shit by basically, when you’re in love as an adult valentine’s day is just like another day because it’s supposed to feel that way everyday (for the most part) OP don’t make this about anything other than supporting your gf on that day and she will appreciate it way more than you trying to make a day of it, or making her feel guilty about it. bring it up to her that you want to make your own special valentine’s day that’s way further away from that date, it seems super romantic and thoughtful since you know her troubles with that date.

6

Essa_ea t1_j6mr6a2 wrote

Dude just pick another day to celebrate or whatever. Be supportive and understanding of her situation, it's never easy to lose someone that you love and especially her story. Plus what's valentine's day about anyway? You can do it any other day.

21

Mizar1 t1_j6msnw6 wrote

I think it's good you're going to therapy. But you have to realize there's nothing you can do to make your girlfriend less depressed around Valentine's Day. Something terrible happened to her, and it's just always going to be a part of her life. Eventually she might get to a point where she can celebrate the day, but she'll have to get there on her own.

The other thing, is that when you say sometimes you wish you could be C, do you always feel like that, or only around this time? If your girlfriend makes you feel loved all the time except when she's remembering someone she loved dying tragically, I'd say yeah, that's part of dating a widow/widower. Now if it's all the time, then that's something worth exploring in therapy. To see if it's really the case or if you're feeling insecure.

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girlwiththemonkey t1_j6n145x wrote

I also gotta say what the fuck kind of response is that from your family? Oh, you shouldn’t have picked a widow? You can’t help you fall in love with. But I agree with everybody here pick another day, but don’t call Valentine’s Day. Tell her “I picked today to celebrate our love, I’d like to do it every year, let’s call it love day or something.”

1