Submitted by ThrowRA_Triceratop t3_10qd6dh in relationship_advice
TLDR: He asked two others if they wanted to be his girlfriend hours before me.
I (F34) left a 10-year relationship a year ago. At the same time, I became incredibly close with a friend (M33) I have known for the last 6 years and he quickly became my best friend. It then became a situationship with close physical contact. Two times I asked if we should take the talk about dating and twice he rejected me, on the grounds that he doesn't see me romantically. Still the physical escalated (him every time) and slowly it became a struggle for us not to have sex. We lost the battle this year after 6 months.
He has a lot of bad experiences with dating and I could feel how he fought against a relationship with me. In the last two months he has been trying (several times) to start a serious conversation about us and then changed the subject midway. I gave him space, reassured him and just waited. He finally wanted the talk and now he is all in.
My only problem is that I feel like a third place. Before he asked me if we should date, he asked two other female friends. Both rejected him. He told me this before asking me, because we have an open communication. Today he said that I'm not normally his type (physical) but he knows I'm trying to lose weight, and he likes my personality. We agree on values, the future and we really know each other, good and bad stuff.
I don't expect him to say he loves me from day one, but I want him to choose me for who I am. I'm aware of his insecurities about being rejected, which means he might be holding back on showing me how much he cares. But how do I avoid feeling like a placeholder and a safe choice? His actions are triggering an insecurity I normally don't have and I'm afraid that he will leave me as soon as a younger and prettier girl wants him.
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