You agree it's unhealthy so must agree it's also unfair, yet you still give her the ability to control it all. Where is your agency? And do you really think this dance isn't somehow affecting your children?

Take a firm stand. You make the choice. It doesn't need to be the end of anything other than this back and forth on her terms. It needn't be unkind or brutal, but come from a place of love and friendship.

I know you want to reconcile, but that takes two and a lot of work, and right now you have a co-parent who decides daily whether they're in a dating mood or not.