My gf (F30) wants to get a place together, but I (M39) am worried about her financial situation

Submitted by JohnnyVertigo t3_10q3gfc in relationship_advice

So me and my GF have been together for a couple of years. And she wants to move in together. My main concern is that her finances are very precarious. And it’s not that she doesn’t make a lot. She makes about 20% less than I do. Our combined salaries could make it work.

However, as it stands, she doesn’t pay rent where she’s currently living, she’s not in school, and she doesn’t have a car note. I pay 99.9% of the time when we go out. But whenever she talks about her financial situation, she makes it sound like she’s living check-to-check. She has talked about going back to school. Besides the built in financial toll that would take, it will cut into her current work schedule. And she doesn’t have a car note because she doesn’t have a car. So that extra bill is coming down the pike. I’m worried that I’m gonna be on the hook for the entirety of our expenses. How should I broach this subject with her?

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TJLawrence192 t1_j6nkxze wrote

She's an adult. She should get her finances in check. You can't be a walking, Talking ATM. She should learn to balance her income.

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DplusLplusKplusM t1_j6nn15d wrote

One of the mandatories a couple has to do before moving in together is to put their financials on the table and create a budget. If she's living paycheck to paycheck but can still afford to fund half of a domestic situation with you that's one thing. But if her intention is to go back to school and have you support her that's clearly a nonstarter. So you'll have to sit down and talk about this, including every detail of her debt to income ratio and how she'd be able to pull her own weight. How to "broach the subject" is to just tell her that living together is a business arrangement as much as a step forward in the relationship. It's simply not something you can do without knowing for certain that she'll be able to pay her fair share of everything in the household.

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Zadsta t1_j6o6dzv wrote

To start you’ll need an estimated budget. What kind of rent can she afford? How will utilities/groceries be split? If she does go back to school, how will that effect the first two questions? Does she anticipate needing to make any large purchases soon (I.e. will she want to buy a car)?

Start there, see what y’all’s options are.

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