Submitted by notaseriousmember t3_10pqh56 in relationship_advice
Hello all. First off I’m here to admit I’m not at all the good guy here. But I want to know if anyone else has gone through this and how (if they did) got better with it. I love him like no other and he’s my everything. I have trouble regulating my reactions to a lot of stuff wether it’s actions he does or words he says. They could be the smallest things and I cannot control myself. My inner self knows not to say anything rude or mean that might cause a fight but it’s out of my mouth before I can stop it. I also have an issue of accusing him of cheating (no I have never cheated on him) I worry about him doing so and I hate it. I survey his room and always think he’s trying to hide things. I’ll give an example:
Last night he made dinner and drinks for us (a dream come true I know idk what’s wrong with me). He offered to take my coat and took a while in his room. I immediately thought he was trying to hide evidence of him cheating. When we walked into the room I noticed my coat was on the chair and said “wow why’d it take you this long to hang the coat on the chair huh). I know, uncalled for. Then we sat down and watched our tv show, eating dinner and sipping our drinks. He had mentioned he had to give something back to a friend rq but had made an effort to push it back so it wouldn’t interrupt our quality time. We finished the first episode out of two and he said he had to go give the item to his friend. I sighed annoyed and said “..alright..”.
I was still mad when he returned so I became passive with him scooting away from him on the bean bag. Ofc this wasn’t at all what I wanted to happen and I hated how I was acting.
This ended up screwing over everything and as he should he got tired of it. I left angry. He later told me he felt like no matter how many times he expressed what annoyed him I never listened and he feels he has to suppress his reactions a lot. I never want him to feel this way ever. I cried and cried desperately wanting to change how I am and I’ve tried so hard but to no avail. I decided to take time to work on myself outside of the relationship as clearly it wasn’t working in it. I want him to feel the same love and respect he gives me. I’m so tired of repeating these patterns and I can’t imagine how he feels. We’re on a break now, my heart is broken. Please if anyone has any tips on how to get better I beg you to share them.
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