Not sure if I’m overthinking things or if he just wants me because of sex (28F) (30M)

Submitted by ThrowRALauraa t3_10q8bjt in relationship_advice

Some background information: my fiance (30M) and I (28F) have been together for 4 years, and we’re getting married next year. We both have a very high sex drive, and I’d say we match perfectly sexually.

So, a few weeks ago I suspected he was cheating, I had my reasons to be suspicious and I confronted him a couple times about this. I found out later that he really wasn’t, we had a talk, I apologized, and he said something like he wouldn’t dare cheating on me because he will never find someone that likes sex as much as I do.

Now I’m wondering if he really likes me, or if what he likes is my high sex drive and just wants to be with me because of sex. We had a talk yesterday, he said he just tried to make a joke and that I need to stop overthinking things.

Idk what to think about this and I’d like other people’s opinions and advice

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ckent_11 t1_j6ofvuw wrote

What do you believe? If we are simply judging off of what you told us, your overthinking and insecurities made you believe he was cheating too. Take a minute to reflect on the totality of your relationship. Otherwise, how could we randos know what your fiance really wants?

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yowen2000 t1_j6ofzf0 wrote

Do you feel this way because of the comment he made.

Or do you feel this way because when you thought about your relationship as a whole and this is the conclusion you came to.

If it's the former, you can drop this, if it's the latter, then it's a problem.

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trishsf t1_j6og04v wrote

Wow. He can’t do anything right. You wrongly suspect that he cheated which means you don’t trust him and now because he made an offhand humorous compliment, he only wants you for sex. Poor guy.

14

wigglebuttbiscuits t1_j6og98v wrote

You sound like you’re seriously insecure and need therapy before you drive him away. First you falsely accused him of cheating, he forgave you and made a harmless joke about how awesome you are, and now you’re holding that against him. Seriously, you need to stop this behavior.

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[deleted] t1_j6ogncu wrote

Him: I like the fact that you have a high sex drive just like me

You: So you're saying you only like me because of my sex drive?

🤨

11

PoorCorrelation t1_j6oh1yf wrote

Nah, he’s fine. But I’m worried this nitpicking might be you trying to find reasons to break off the engagement. Is this really the person you want to marry or are there actual issues?

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cloneketsuji t1_j6oipac wrote

4 years is a long time to not know the answer to your own question.

Maybe YOU are the one not ready for marriage?

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SecretHoliday1752 t1_j6oj4qj wrote

You’re still not sure if your fiancé likes you after 4 years? Not even loves you, you’re not sure if he likes you? This is a bigger problem than overthinking.

Why are you planning to get married to someone who’s feelings you’re still questioning ?

1

saclayson t1_j6ojgiu wrote

What are you doing? He must be cheating, nope… He must want me for sex, he likely appreciates your matching sex drives… Keep trying though, you’ll find something…

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throwawaybrokenh34rt t1_j6okq7v wrote

You sound like anxious attachment. I’d work on that as this is your biggest issue.

He told you “You need to stop overthinking things” and now you’re going “Idk what to think about this”. Of course you don’t because there’s nothing to think about. Stop making problems where they’re aren’t any.

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