I (M19) can’t stay hard during sex with my (F18) girlfriend and I don’t know why.

Submitted by WestGoblin t3_10qait6 in relationship_advice

So me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 6 months now and have decided to have sex a few times around 5 times in total, We are both madly in love with each other and would not do a open relationship. I find her very sexually attractive and yet I cannot stay hard during sex and cannot ejaculate. We were both virgins until lately. I do not have ER and have been able to cum from masturbation numerous times. This problem is causing a lot of stress for both of us and I cannot think of any solution. Please help !!!!

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supertaquito t1_j6otxis wrote

How anxious do you feel about having sex? Do you think this is some sex performance anxiety, insecurity, or something else making you worry obsessively about sex?

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WestGoblin OP t1_j6ovnia wrote

I’ve always felt very insecure that I wouldn’t be able to satisfy a woman, and before we had sex i didn't really know if i was ready but i didn't want to hurt my girlfriends feelings. So I would say it’s most likely both insecurity and anxiety.

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supertaquito t1_j6oww4x wrote

Look, both of you are likely very inexperienced and have super high expectations about what sex should be. This would make anybody nervous, I like the suggestion someone made below about spending time together naked without sex, just getting used to the idea of being vulnerable and curious around each other.

Your girlfriend may be just as anxious as you are. It's very likely that what she does to you may not feel as good as your hand, and vice versa. How would it? Neither of you know what the other one likes and how they like it.

Talk about it, make it something fun. Sex is meant to be fun rather than a chore or a negative experience.

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WestGoblin OP t1_j6oyu1l wrote

Thank you, I will definitely try this and update within the next month or so.

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Northlumberman t1_j6ow7il wrote

There’s your answer. Talk to your girlfriend and work out ways to take the pressure off. Maybe just spend some time together naked without having sex. Just so you can get more relaxed.

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shivvrr t1_j6ow4d5 wrote

If you are using a condom then that’s probably why. Not saying don’t use a condom but I would suggest talking about birth control with her and figure that out.

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WestGoblin OP t1_j6oyjsp wrote

Thanks for the suggestion but we’ve tried this, we’ve used a condom at the start then tried it a couple times without one and the problem is still consistent

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shivvrr t1_j6oz0h0 wrote

Then I would say it’s just nerves. Just keep going at it honestly. It gets better each time, and word of advice don’t use all your energy up in the beginning. The second you start to get tired it’s pretty much a grind to finish. Just pace yourself and find the position that feels the best for both of you

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