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basketweaver231 OP t1_j6lnscq wrote

Reply to comment by AuntyVenom in My (M25) girlfriend (F25) cries a lot and it’s taking a toll on me by basketweaver231

How do I do that while being a good boyfriend? I always want to make her happy.

We don’t live together so these usually start with a FaceTime right when I’m off work and her in tears due to whatever issue she’s facing that day. If I was like “I’m sorry I have to go” I can almost guarantee id get a text that said “are u mad at me?” as soon as I hung up. I don’t think I’d be able to pull that off without seeming cold and distant and likely exasperating her sadness because she’d take it as I don’t care about her or her feelings.

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AuntyVenom t1_j6o6h28 wrote

Perhaps "Co-Dependent No More" by Melodie Beattie might help you? For eg, if you want to talk to her about your feelings & she starts crying so you walk everything back (as you said), that's called "derailling" and focusing on her feels rather than yours. You don't have to be derailed. You can say "I know you're sad but I really need to talk about x. I'll give you a minute & then let's get back to what I need to talk about." YOu thinking it's your job to fix things for her is co-dependence,

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