Perhaps "Co-Dependent No More" by Melodie Beattie might help you? For eg, if you want to talk to her about your feelings & she starts crying so you walk everything back (as you said), that's called "derailling" and focusing on her feels rather than yours. You don't have to be derailed. You can say "I know you're sad but I really need to talk about x. I'll give you a minute & then let's get back to what I need to talk about." YOu thinking it's your job to fix things for her is co-dependence,