I (18M) feel like a burden to my fiancée (19F)

Submitted by Ahahahdhesocjd t3_10pth45 in relationship_advice

I’ve struggled with depression for years upon years and I’ve never been able to figure out the cause. I used to be very suicidal and attempted on one occasion, but was never serious enough to go all the way through with the act.

And I’m glad I didn’t. When I was 15, I fell madly in love with my now-fiancée and my life feels like it has true meaning.

The problem is that I still struggle with severe depression. I have no motivation, sleep poorly, and don’t commit myself to things that matter, even things in the immediate future.

I don’t want to distance myself from her because she’s my other half, but I also don’t know what to do because I still need to develop myself to the level where I can love myself.

I’ve been picking up hobbies such as streaming and content creation, and even when there’s no views, I still love the idea and it’s something I want to do.

Do I commit myself to something that has no guaranteed future because it makes me feel complete, or do I continue on a path that guarantees a secure future but leaves me unhappy with myself?

I don’t want to pick wrong and end up without her. She knows about my passions and she supports me 100%, but I have anxiety attacks about my future all the time.

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ChocolateChouxCream t1_j6m6zet wrote

  1. Get therapy
  2. Find a job that will pay bills
  3. Continue to pursue streaming and content creation in your spare time
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gordonf23 t1_j6mr99l wrote

All of these things are necessary if you’re going to be successful in life, OP. You clearly need some professional help to get you through this difficult time in your life. YOu need a job that will put food on the table and give you somewhere to live. And you need to pursue things that you’re passionate about in order to stay sane and engaged in life.

Also, you are too young to get married, and until you’ve dealt with your depression in a meaningful, lasting way, you’re not in any condition to get married either. Get therapy, and please don’t get married until you’re both at least 25.

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xanthophore t1_j6mzue7 wrote

OP, your life's meaning shouldn't be derived from another person. You should want to live for your sake, not someone else's!

I'm slightly confused about how your passions and your fiancée interact; do you feel like your relationship is preventing you from getting the personal development and help that you need?

Would you like a career in streaming? Do you feel pushed or swayed towards a different career? If this is your problem, I'd really recommend finding something else to do for money, while streaming on the side. Being self-employed without any guarantee of income and severe depression is very unlikely to work out well for you.

You really need to focus on your own wellbeing for now - do you have a doctor? A counsellor? Antidepressants and talking therapy could make a huge positive difference to your life.

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