Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

MckittenMan t1_j6ik956 wrote

  • My partner and I have had an on and off relationship for the last 5 years
  • The house is 5 minutes from his job, it is about 2 hours from my job and friends/family
  • I feel like I’m making a lot of sacrifices for us to live together
  • I do all of the chores around the house such as laundry and dishes cleaning etc.
  • He makes double my income
  • He insists he also wants to split the rent 50-50 which I don’t feel is fair

Your reletionship has a lot of holes in it. Please postpone this idea for now:

>he bought an engagement ring, we will soon be engaged

You should be focusing on making your relationship something you're happy to exist in. Do not go into an engagement unhappy.

A ring isn't going to solve problems.

It's just locking you into the unhappiness.

Please correct these things and ensure the two of you are capable of understanding each-other and giving compromises.

3

Anon1828272 t1_j6iouva wrote

Thank you. Do you have any advice for how best to approach negotiating this again? I get bad anxiety talking about finances or things like that when I know it’s going against what he wants because I hate confrontations

1

MckittenMan t1_j6ishm2 wrote

>when I know it’s going against what he wants because I hate confrontations

I am sorry, but you cannot be afraid of upsetting your partner.

Remember. This is YOUR reletionship as well. You have a right to your voice and having your opinion taken into consideration.

Your reletionship has to be constructed in a way that you agree with and also works for you.

If every time you try to address something that you don't like, and it results in him winning the 'conflict'... then you stop focusing on that independent issue, and start focusing on the lack of compromise and willingness to value your opinion.

If he refuses to work on his ability to compromise, then the reletionship is dysfunctional. You've been officially silenced in the reletionship, unequal power distribution.

The above issue is the more severe problem in your reletionship.

2

welshcake77 t1_j6ikvb7 wrote

Honey you would be better off living at home . If your bf can’t compromise on the financial aspect , you’ll find you’re just working to pay bills.

3

sugarmag13 t1_j6iouyw wrote

WHY are you still in this relationship?

And please dont tell me its because you love him.

There is nothing in this situation about YOU. Its all about HIM

Go now quickly

Or we will see you back here in 2 years saying "i just dont know what went wrong"

3

Anon1828272 t1_j6ipmax wrote

Is there any way I could talk to him about this one last time? Like the best way to try to negotiate? I get really anxious discussing things like finances when there’s a disagreement

1

sugarmag13 t1_j6ipuzf wrote

I would suggest a financial advisor for the 2 if you if I thought he wanted to understand, but I think he just wants to control the situation.

1

biggirlsause t1_j6ilrex wrote

50/50 rent makes sense if it is an ideal living situation for both of you. It seems to me that you are making a great deal of sacrifices so I think if you are doing the cooking/cleaning and utilities, if I was him I would take that deal. Seems reasonable enough. You’ll be spending more on gas and stuff so the only incentive for you to live there is because of cheaper rent, which if you’re paying 50/50 ultimately you’re taking a bigger financial hit for no apparent reason

2

MidLyfeCrisys t1_j6im26e wrote

Tell that selfish bastard no when he offers you the ring.

2

Crazy_Perception_731 t1_j6iniiq wrote

I would questions if this is someone I would want to marry if this is how he is treating you. Two hours away from work and family. You cook and clean. Let him use your car. What exactly is he contributing.

2

Anon1828272 t1_j6iog5q wrote

So he pays when we go out together on dates so for like dinner on the weekend at a restaurant for example

0

AutoModerator t1_j6ih440 wrote

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

  • We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

  • Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

  • ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

  • No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

  • All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

  • What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

DplusLplusKplusM t1_j6ik2g0 wrote

Dig up the stats on what it would cost in your area to pay someone to do all the household chores you're doing. Then when you and he sit down to hash out your monthly budget present those numbers to him. Relationships work best when both parties feel they're each providing half of what it costs a couple to live. So negotiate it. Also, don't blithely trot into marriage until this is completely resolved. That includes the future, especially if you're hoping to have a family. It's just a fact that kids will damage your career more than his. So if expectations and a firm plan haven't been established you'll just end up with a lot of resentment. Arguments about money cause more divorces than any other reason.

1

Crystal010Rose t1_j6issg9 wrote

Are you okay with this? To be honest, none of the points you mentioned sounds good. Are you okay with moving away from your friends? Are you okay with doing all the chores for the rest of your life? This is nit going to change so please think about it: is this how you want the rest of your life to be like?

1