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You definitely don't tell her. You cut all contact with her and don't look back. This isnt worth risking your family over. You technically haven't done anything wrong so far so just leave it before it gets past that point.

> I asked off-handedly if her parents were proud of her as I scooped up scrambled eggs at the conference center walk-in breakfast and she seemed surprised as if she'd never been asked that particular question

Wtf? You asking for advice or practicing creative writing? There is just so much unneeded detail here (scooping eggs?!?), not going to waste anymore time reading past that. Stop obsessing over the new girl, most likely you have a crush on her because she has what you want in your life, so go back and work to develop that in your relationship with your wife, in yourself or with platonic friends. If you’ve done more than talk to this new girl (affection or emotional investment) you’re cheating or getting dangerously close so knock that shit off.

Yeah, that's when I stopped reading too. Either fake OR he is so overly infatuated with this woman he barely knows he is constantly looking for any hints that she feels the same way about him and over analyzes every interaction.

Yeah..its like a novel. All about a cheater bragging about himself.

The family you affirmatively created is a little more than just a "problem". It's a responsibility that you took on and can't just abandon because a shiny object has captured your attention. This woman at work has no interest in you and it's not her fault you and your wife decided to get serious as teenagers. When you decide to marry someone you've dated since high school you tacitly agree to forfeit your free and single young adult years. That ship has sailed. Besides, this coworker is off the market and if you can't stop creeping on her you're likely to destroy your career.

Snuffing inappropriate crushes is something any mature adult can do.

You completely disengage from her in all manners as much as possible. No more social media following, no more talking about anything outside work.

For sure don't tell her how you feel. Ridiculous.

"I can't not abort." I assume you mean you can abort. Because that's the obvious solution you emotional child. You had your thrill, now be a man and disengage and let it fade. That's what any decent person does once they figure out they are in your spot.

Thanks all for the reality check, and for the genuine advice. It helped.