TinFoilHeadphones t1_j8b5dri wrote
Reply to comment by wallowsfan289 in Cultivating a sense of perspective about pet loss can lead to post-traumatic growth after their death by chrisdh79
I disagree with your point of view. For a lot of people a pet is a stronger emotional bond than "human loved ones".
exsea t1_j8beqle wrote
i disagree to this point of view.
a loved one is a loved one. how much you value one above another usually depends on how much you love them regardless of species.
BUT i would say its logical to assume that its easy to form a stronger connection between pets as you may live with them for many years.
i lost my dog of maybe 5-10 years? last year. time pasts fast. i never realized how deep my bond with her was until she passed. i took her for granted. every now and then when i get home i ll feel some melancholy as she normally would run to the gate and greet me.
what i can say is, it was a good wake up call. i treat my parents better. and i guess, it helps a little to prepare for the inevitable.
wallowsfan289 t1_j8b6uuy wrote
True. I have a pretty strong bond with my pets. I guess warm up was the wrong word. But does give you a chance to understand how you grieve.
lappel-do-vide t1_j8c4a1i wrote
I disagree.
I’ve had my dog for over a decade. He is my partner, my side kick. He knows me, acts just like me. I’m convinced we are two parts of the same soul.
However. I know from experience that when he finally does go, it will not hit me NEARLY as hard as it did when my mother died. That destroyed me.
When my best boy does go. I’ll definitely call out of work. I’ll cry, probably scream and yell. But again, it will not compare to a human loved one.
Granted this is personal experience here. But in no way, shape, or form would it be worse than what I’ve already experienced, and I’m one of those “I prefer dogs to people” kinda people.
MrGingerlicious t1_j8c8g3f wrote
Perspective is everything and everyone deals with grief differently, for sure.
I had the opposite experience. My Mum passed away (suddenly/unexpected) and my Cat (who I adopted when I moved out of home and had with me the entire, almost 12 years of his life) less than two years after that.
My Cat passing away hit me *way* harder. I was pretty close with my Mum and we had a very healthy relationship. That being said, she also prepared me for her eventual passing and always tried to get us kids to look for the good in every change.
The fact my Mum lived her life best she could and did the right thing by my Dad and her three kids, including doing a lot of travelling when we moved out, helped me deal with her passing in a big way.
But when *I* had to make the decision to put my best Mate to sleep and say goodbye to him... Part of me died with him and it still hurts the same now, so I try not to think about it too much tbh.
HippyHitman t1_j8cne6n wrote
I think another huge difference is that most human death isn’t preventable. It either happens suddenly, or medical care just can’t fix it.
With pets it’s rare to actually explore all the treatment options, because who can afford to spend thousands of dollars on a coin flip treatment that will at best add a couple years? And would that even be in the pet’s best interest?
With humans those generally aren’t things you have to worry about. With your pet, you have to make those decisions for them.
MrGingerlicious t1_j8coklq wrote
Exactly. In my case, my Cat had either a) A Genetic Bone Disease or b) Bone Cancer.
Even if he was Human, that doesn't give you many treatment options. Being a Cat, it isn't even an option.
If he were an 80+ yr/old relative, you could just say "Hey, the chemo isn't worth the suffering, but you've had a good run and we'll make the rest of your time is comfortable". But as an almost 12 yr/old Cat, it was "We have to put him to sleep now, he won't eat and isn't doing well" on the spot, no real time to think or get second opinions or treatment options.
CroneMage t1_j8ds3ao wrote
I was in this exact situation a couple of weeks ago.
My cat was a former stray, FIV+. When I got him his estimated age was 3. I had him for 11 years. He started losing weight, having mobility issues, eye problems and dementia. I had to weigh the cost of testing what exactly was wrong and if it was able to be treated versus his quality of life.
There was an added complication in that I myself have terminal cancer and am going through yet another round of chemo so have a lot of medical bills and physical issues with the likelihood of having to make quality of life decisions myself sometime soon.
I had him put to sleep and donated all his supplies to a local feline rescue/no kill shelter to help out other kitties.
I will not be getting another cat due to my tenuous lifespan. I don't want to get a kitty that will need to be rehomed when I pass. I spend time with family member's and friend's pets as I'm able now.
I admit I did do some second guessing of my decision to have him put to sleep, but it was the right thing to do for him.
tiptoeintotown t1_j8ebu25 wrote
Agreed.
I can’t even think about my dog that passed or talk about her without getting emotional. Like, really emotional. I used to wake up every night at like 2 and it was always just a matter of time before the dark quiet night ushered in thoughts of her that felt inescapable. I couldn’t even be in my apartment after I had to put her down so I moved.
My dad passed suddenly when I was 19 and this was not that. This was far, far worse.
nyet-marionetka t1_j8czn49 wrote
Some people may not have much competition between lousy family and an affectionate pet.
Kailaylia t1_j8dxu7l wrote
Too right. I'd have danced on my mother's grave except it was pretty deep and not filled in - and my siblings and cousins would have gladly buried me with her if I'd done them the favour of humping down onto her overpriced corpse-container. They were trying to work out how to do me out of my share of the inheritance before she was pronounced dead.
But my heart still hurts when I remember my big strong half-wild Tomcat, shark teeth and razor claws, so fast and sharp you didn't know he'd slashed you until the blood stated dripping.
He grew to trust me, and when he was on his back, slashing in chaotic anger, I could ignore his claws, talk gently to him and kiss his nose, and he'd hug me, paws around my neck. He lived a reasonable number of cat years, but not in my eyes. He was still fast and playful as a kitten until his last year, when a strange disease ate away his face and his paws.
He lay beside my computer for a year, on a cushioned bench we fixed up for him, so he was always being cuddled or stroked, and was carried everywhere he wanted/needed to go. One night he started running in his sleep and I stroked him until he quieted, and next time I stroked him he was cold, and gone.
Pets love us and give us all they have. They deserve our grief.
nyet-marionetka t1_j8e2asq wrote
I’m so sorry about your cat. We’ve lost two in the past couple years and will probably lose another within the next year. It’s so sad that they don’t live longer. Our sweet cat is 18 and that’s still not enough time.
Kailaylia t1_j8e8l7d wrote
These furry beings have unique personalities and hearts full of love. They become part of our families. It would be wrong to not miss them and mourn their passing.
ShamrockAPD t1_j8dgk38 wrote
It’s almost as if every one has their own experiences and feelings and ways of dealing with things.
Reading this thread there’s a ton on your side, and there’s a ton in the other side.
For me - the dog is going to hit me much harder than anything else. However, I’m still not sure how hard.
I’m 34, about to turn 35. When I was 23 I watched a good friend drown in very tough water while camping.
A year later, a close friend died in a car accident.
Fast forward 6 years. A friend who witnessed the drowning with us suffered severe PTSD from it. He took his own life.
Each one of these hurt insanely bad; left absolute miserable thoughts and tough times to me. But.. from them all I got used to being around death. A year after the suicide, my best friends wife succumbed to cancer. And… unlike the others…. It didn’t hit me nearly as hard. It was almost as if it was just a “here’s another one” (I felt very guilty for that).
My point is- everyone has their own connections and past that will affect how they handle grief.
My dog is my favorite part of my life; I have never loved anything more. I believe it’s going to hurt me more than anything else. But I also believe that with my other experiences, while hurting more, I’ll hopefully mentally handle myself better.
But I don’t know.. and I hopefully won’t know for a while still.
tinyhorsesinmytea t1_j8b916x wrote
My sister goes through extreme mourning every time a pet dies. Like twice as bad as I am going through a break-up. I don't even want to think about entering another relationship so I never understand why she keeps getting more pets and going through this heartache every few years.
Cryptizard t1_j8bhc6b wrote
Every few years? What is she doing to her pets?
tinyhorsesinmytea t1_j8bhyun wrote
She always has like five cats and two dogs of different ages, so it's a constant flow of vet bills and tragedy.
[deleted] t1_j8c8za0 wrote
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bostonlilypad t1_j8dgrlx wrote
I have a hard time understanding too. I lost my dog 8 months ago and it has been the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I cannot even imagine getting another and going through it again. People continue to ask if I’m getting another one like I can just replace my dog, it’s weird, stop asking people that.
[deleted] t1_j8bpk7b wrote
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