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dumbreddit t1_jd94e0u wrote

Thanks to this article, next time small talk becomes awkward, I know I can say out of the blue "It's not you" to mess with their head. They'll say "What?" and I'll say "What?"

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BuncleCurt t1_jdavtuh wrote

Or you could say something like "this has become awkward and it's your fault".

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unicornpicnic t1_jd9gnzt wrote

There are people who are the opposite and contribute pretty much nothing to a conversation but blame the awkwardness on other people. I wonder if it has to do with narcissism. Maybe they think they're so interesting that it can only be someone else's fault a conversation is boring, which makes them not learn how to be interesting.

It's weird talking to them, because they'll initiate or join in on a conversation, then act like what other people say is the lamest stuff ever, but they're even lamer because they contribute even less. I never talk to these people more than once.

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chrisdh79 OP t1_jd8t4j3 wrote

From the article: A recent study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that individuals are more likely to blame themselves when casual conversations become difficult. The findings reveal that the self-serving bias you find in many other human activities seems to disappear when engaging in casual conversation. This insight may be helpful to those who experience anxiety during small talk.

Informal conversations involve complex interactions between individuals that require coordination of turn-taking, eye contact, the anticipation of upcoming content, and interpretation of previous statements. The number of participants, cultural background, and goals can vary, and finding a balance between small talk and more personal topics can be difficult.

Despite the benefits of deeper conversations for mental well-being, people often overestimate the awkwardness of such interactions. Conversations can be challenging due to their inherent complexity, uncertainty, and broad scope.

Surprisingly, there is a lack of research in this area, given how crucial social connections are to our health and how conversations play a vital role in creating and sustaining these relationships. Researchers are working to address this gap in the literature by exploring whether individuals have a negative outlook on their conversational abilities compared to other everyday activities.

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thelastestgunslinger t1_jd9i5eb wrote

It has literally never occurred to me too Place blame for small talk going awkwardly.

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labadimp t1_jdbyx5d wrote

Kinda proves the study then!

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tornpentacle t1_jdhkyzw wrote

If you're using "prove" in the original sense, then sure. But not in the way everyone uses the word today. To prove something originally meant (and IMO should still mean) to test it, hence "the exception proves the rule". I don't know if you meant it in that sense but that's the only way your statement holds true, haha

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Grouchy-Cod-5908 t1_jdakhim wrote

I just figured it was because there is a lack of chemistry or such

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SnooPuppers1978 t1_jdarj58 wrote

> The research may have been limited by the self-report method for data collection.

Makes me wonder if people good at small talk were doing small talk and people poor at small talk or with social anxiety were doing the self reporting?

So they could be accurately "blaming" themselves, if they see that they are the common factor why the small talk frequently seems to fail and others handle it with ease.

It's one of those things that the more you try to improve at it, the more you worry and the more it can hinder your performance - instead of making the most out of the present moment, which people naturally good at it would do.

In the end it's also a matter of mindset whether you find something awkward, or how much you care about it in the first place.

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lostkamoki t1_jda1dvc wrote

So what tools/support groups/therapy are out there to improve this, and make it happen less?

Besides the advice of starting a fabillion conversations at the grocery store, mall kiosk, etc.

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afunnywold t1_jdbljse wrote

Damn it never occurred to me that it wouldn't have been my fault

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SnooBananas665 t1_jdbpzin wrote

Actually i recently realised this. And I started leaving dates or friends right there. "I am sorry. I am not enjoying this."

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tornpentacle t1_jdhl81q wrote

Instead of...trying? You could be missing out on something great. A single date is not representative of a person's actual self, that's just crazy. The best relationship I ever had was with someone who was a bit awkward at first.

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DeepJob3439 t1_jdcnd6t wrote

So, if I’m feeling like being an asshole, purposefully make the conversation awkward, then verbally blame the other person. Got it. (In reality, I think this is how everyone else acts when conversations turn awkward)

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