Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

thejml2000 t1_iy4zfp1 wrote

And this is why communication is key. If your partner has no idea why you’re stressed or depressed or lonely or whatever, they can’t help and you’ll just keep digging deeper and growing apart.

62

allegate t1_iy6qsdm wrote

I’m in this post and I don’t like it.

I hate sharing why I’m stressed because it feels like a dumb thing to stress about so then I’m stressed all over again because why would I be worried about something so stupid that I can’t talk about it?

19

Starcorncreak t1_iy6y4qb wrote

Frankly I don't even know why I'm depressed or lonely.

8

Sagaru-san t1_iy6z0qn wrote

Then an option is to find someone that can help you figure and work it out. I suggest a professional, if it's possible for you!

5

Starcorncreak t1_iy72jpv wrote

Yeah, not feasible for me. But I wish everyone else luck with that!

6

mechapple t1_iy8x1et wrote

You wont. As Dr. Nesse indicates in his book "Good reasons for bad feelings", even your emotional state is dictated by gene-environment interactions, much of which might be outside your control.

2

Sage009 t1_iy8q0nx wrote

I never share because the few times that I did, nobody ever took me seriously or actually tried to help so why bother?

2

Larcombe81 t1_iya4psx wrote

Haha. Good thinking- until your partner responds differently to your hope/expectations and it further reinforces the sense of loneliness. It’s tricky.

1

[deleted] t1_iy4udcm wrote

[deleted]

56

tominator93 t1_iy5lsm0 wrote

I personally would adjust this statement as “making your own well-being a priority in your life”. This prevents you from falling into the trap of chasing some unattainable, vaguely defined notion of “happiness” as a “goal state” that the culture tells us we should be experiencing at all times. Something that I think is all too easy to do for most of us.

This approach also has the benefit of being much more actionable most of the time. “True happiness” is abstract. But If something is sapping your well-being, you usually can identify it with 2-3 minutes of honest reflection.

44

dwittty t1_iy5nxtv wrote

I like this take. I think there’s also something to be said for taking some time during those 2-3 minutes of reflection to focus on what is bringing you joy and doing more of that. This way you can work toward enhancing the good as well as mitigating the bad.

11

r0ndy t1_iy67glw wrote

If my kids are the ones creating the stress, can I just put myself first and leave them, please?

4

habeus_coitus t1_iy6eb12 wrote

You could, but imo it’s different when there’s kids involved. No one forces you to have kids, and until they can fend for themselves they are wholly dependent on others for care. If you’re absolutely miserable and/or their welfare would improve with you out of the picture then so be it, otherwise you have an obligation to them to see them through to at least self-sufficiency.

Unless you were just telling a joke, in which case sure.

8

r0ndy t1_iy7opqq wrote

Slightly facetious. Only slightly

2

VicSara_696 t1_iy7jpfp wrote

Yes.. think of it as an oxygen mask, if in lets use stress as ‘the plane is going down’ then u take the oxygen mask once your ‘oxygenated’ then you are fully equipped to pass to your children and help them better… basically think of yourself first, if you go down u all go down!

1

jcpmojo t1_iy50d4s wrote

I'm never lonely because I expect nothing from my social relationships, and I'm never disappointed.

33

S-Vagus t1_iy580z5 wrote

Ah, I see that you, intelligent smartphone addict that you are, opted for the NO RISK NO REWARD social package. A conservative choice.

28

NeatlyCritical t1_iy6e7vx wrote

Never had a relationship or friends so guess can't be disappointed when have no idea what they are like or ever will

3

_night_cat t1_iy4vfep wrote

If I somehow manage to outlive my wife, I expect to live with pets and no one else. The pets will be able to use me as a food source once I die until my corpse is discovered weeks later. Low expectations for the win.

23

OrcRampant t1_iy73ftc wrote

Sometimes it just takes a really long time to discover your spouse is an asshole.

4

AutoModerator t1_iy4r0tz wrote

Welcome to r/science! This is a heavily moderated subreddit in order to keep the discussion on science. However, we recognize that many people want to discuss how they feel the research relates to their own personal lives, so to give people a space to do that, personal anecdotes are allowed as responses to this comment. Any anecdotal comments elsewhere in the discussion will be removed and our normal comment rules apply to all other comments.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

Im_Talking t1_iy4x5hg wrote

"“It actually turns out to be different,” she said. People can still feel lonely, even if they don’t spend much time alone."

i don't get this study. This is just unrealistic expectations causing inner stress. Get rid of the expectations gets rid of the stress. And it's not just relationships, it's anything in life. Make good solid decisions in life, then accept the universe unfolding how it will.

−4

Otherwise-Way-1176 t1_iy71h6j wrote

So you don’t understand the study…and yet you agree completely with its findings?

2