Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

TalmidimUC t1_ixyxaqw wrote

I mean exactly what I said. I feel no guilt over being molested as a child. There are a lot of men out there that have a hard time facing sexual trauma over pride issues, we’re taught to be “strong”, sexual abuse is humiliating and makes you feel defenseless and weak. Whole lot of shame mixed up in there. Maybe it’s just me, but I have a good grip of male acquaintances in my life who have also experienced sexual abuse or been molested.

Why are we trying to correct what others say? I mean what I said, you’re allowed your opinion, but please don’t correct what you think I meant.


Flying_Dutchman92 t1_ixyxnc1 wrote

>Why are we trying to correct what others say? I mean what I said, you’re allowed your opinion, but please don’t correct what you think I meant.

Because I DO feel guilt about the rape I endured as a child. That is all.


TalmidimUC t1_ixyyhne wrote

Okay, that’s what you feel, not me. We don’t speak for each other, I’m not telling you to change your guilt to pride or any other emotion. All I’m saying is people experience different feelings and emotions.. but I’m not going to tell someone to change how they view their own personal trauma.


AaronJeep t1_iy1lpb1 wrote

I don't think anyone is intentionally trying to invalidate what you said. t feels more like a matter of semantics. Both guilt and pride can be used differently in different cases. Men and boys are taught to be strong, to be able to defend themselves, to be emotionally in control (boys don't cry), and so on. This may not apply to you, but it is very common for boys who were molested to feel a sense of guilt. The don't feel guilty that it happened, but that they didn't do what they were supposed to do - they were supposed to be strong, they were supposed to be able to defend themselves, they were supposed to be smart enough to see it coming, they should have known better... for a lot of men the guilt is feeling like they should have known better or done something to stop it, but they didn't. Now, like you mentioned there's a sense of shame because the failure to stop it or do something about it made them feel weak, defenseless and powerless. I'll single out humifaction because a person could be (as the word is often used) too proud to admit it. But if a person is saying they are too proud to admit something happened, they are almost taking responsibility for part of what happened. They didn't do the molesting, but they didn't stop it and they are too proud to admit they weren't strong, then some people feel guilty that they weren't strong enough, man enough, etc. to stop it. It's where a lot of men take on a sense of guilt, not over the abuse itself, but because they didn't do what they feel they should have been capable of doing. Again, this may not apply to you, I'm just trying to explain why a sense of guilt is very common and it's not the kind of guilt where you feel like you asked for it, but guilt that you trusted someone or that you didn't fight them off or you got in the car with someone and you should have known better. These are all things that apply to what a person did or didn't do. The feel no guilt over doing the molesting, but they might feel guilt that they didn't do more to stop it and now they are too proud to admit that they feel weak. You can't really feel bad about feeling weak, defenseless and powerless unless you also feel like you shouldn't have been. If you 100% know and accept that it wasn't your fault for trusting someone, or being smaller than someone or being unable to defend yourself... then you are still kind of saying you did something wrong. That's why, for a great many men, sexual abuse carries a sense of guilt. Maybe you are the exception to the rule and that's fine, but being that guilt (over not being a "real man" capable of defending himself) is so very much a common thing for men who are molested, it's not too unfair to think that's what someone might have meant by using the word pride.

I know more about this subject than I wish I did, so I'm not talking all theory.