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HuckleberrySin1950 t1_iwviwr2 wrote

Reply to comment by JimmminyCricket in Psychologists demonstrate why feeling appreciated is particularly important for avoidantly attached individuals by chrisdh79

Not once did she say she expected them to be pefect? If people are constantly letting you down in the same manner over and over(and you have communicated that), you are going to expect less from them. It's completely reasonable for her to not put in effort when there is none returned.

Relationships are a 2 way street.

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JimmminyCricket t1_iwvja2q wrote

Except this assumes that this person is not letting down the other individual as well.

They didn’t say they expect them to be “perfect” but saying “once I’ve learned you’re inconsistent? I’ll go flat with you.” Nobody is completely consistent. Including OP.

My stance comes from the perspective it’s a two way street. I don’t just take someone’s word that the other person is the only one to blame in a relationship. That’s all.

If you do, then so be it. Good luck in your life with that bad will.

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HuckleberrySin1950 t1_iwvkjn0 wrote

Someone already replied to you and summed up what was about to be my own response. Good luck to you with that bad will of yours :>

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JimmminyCricket t1_iwvkrvh wrote

I’m not the one that stops caring about people (ie. “Going flat”) because they don’t always give me what I want/need in the relationship.

Sincerely good luck.

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hey_dougz0r t1_iwvllq6 wrote

>Sincerely good luck

You have lost all credibility here.

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JimmminyCricket t1_iwvlyd9 wrote

I’m sorry you have no way of knowing if I’m genuine or not. I can only tell you that I am being sincere.

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hey_dougz0r t1_iwvnmfz wrote

By your own commentary I very much have a "way of knowing" that you are quick to judge others and rather unwilling to apologize for such behavior.

So no, by the evidence you yourself have offered here no one has a reason to believe you are offering actual goodwill.

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AaronRodgersToe t1_iwvrmnu wrote

Good rule of thumb is to not accuse others of judging while also judging.

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hey_dougz0r t1_iwvv50i wrote

Yes, I am judging someone who themselves behaved in a very judgmental fashion.

For the record, what bothered me enough to actively comment was the offering of "goodwill" and "sincerity" immediately after plainly exhibiting the exact opposite. Such behavior is a very close cousin to gaslighting. It's bad enough that it's everywhere in our culture but when exhibited in the context of anything related to the study of psychology or therapy I find it especially infuriating. It's a behavior pattern VERY often exhibited by abusive personality types.

Perhaps I am being too harsh, but if there is discomfort on u/JimmminyCricket 's part for being subject to a dose of his or her own medicine then so be it.

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JimmminyCricket t1_iwvvjpr wrote

I don’t have any discomfort. I know who I am and what my intentions were.

Not everyone is trying to gaslight you all the time.

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hey_dougz0r t1_iwxj9e0 wrote

>I don’t have any discomfort.

You should. The other redditor deserves an apology from you if we're being completely honest.

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Iced____0ut t1_iww5lgr wrote

You should see a therapist

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hey_dougz0r t1_iwxjeyr wrote

Are you saying that because you actually care or because you're passive-aggressively trying to get under my skin? Be honest.

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Iced____0ut t1_iwxjo2y wrote

It would be for the betterment of society.

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hey_dougz0r t1_iwxk40n wrote

A quick glance at your recent post history and I can tell you don't care about much except trolling. If I need therapy then you most definitely do!

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Iced____0ut t1_iwxlr6u wrote

Nah, I’m a bit abrasive, I’ve been to therapy plenty. Your self righteousness is part of why you need therapy.

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hey_dougz0r t1_iwxvxpt wrote

Good lord. Your entire comment is unabashed projection. "Abrasive" is a kind word to describe your post history.

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Iced____0ut t1_iwyvzu5 wrote

Ahh yes, it would be so much better to be like you, a condescending prick with an over inflated ego.

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hey_dougz0r t1_iwzlctw wrote

You made the choice to comment to me, just the same as I chose to initially comment to u/JimmminyCricket and to reply to you now. You could have passed on by but instead you decided to lower yourself into the gutter you believe me to be in by telling me I need therapy - not for my own well-being, mind you - "for the betterment of society." (And you have the audacity to suggest I am being self-righteous?)

Your comments to me have actually been worse than the other redditor to whom I initially responded. You've weaponized the appearance of concern for my mental health in order to give vent to more of your own anger. What's more, the balance of your reddit presence calls into question whether you actually care about the betterment of society. You certainly spend far more time hurling anger than trying to be constructive in your interactions with other redditors.

If you've actually attended therapy I applaud you for it. I am not going to criticize you for that in any way. Even so, your comments to me do not appear in any way to come from a good place.

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