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Zephyr-2210 t1_iwyl12l wrote

I've tried therapy a couple of times, didn't feel like they helped. What do you you in therapy for it to help enough to 'blow your mind'! I'd honestly love to know


t92k t1_iwz2g3p wrote

If you identify with the “avoidently attached” part of this article then you should be aware you are going to bring that to therapy too. For me, my therapist was the first person in my life who was always where she said she was going to be when she said she’d be there. That allowed me to become attached — within the boundaries of a professional counseling relationship. From there we worked on disproving the belief that my parents (school, medical professionals) were bad to me because they all knew I was broken and I deserved it. That was a process of telling stories that seemed to support the belief and then looking at those same events from other perspectives so I can stop blaming myself. Eventually I was able to believe I’m a person who deserves attachment. I still have patterns where I proactively detach from relationships, or see rejection in absent-mindedness, but I have a lot more tools and a lot less anger than I used to.


Zephyr-2210 t1_ix2s7oo wrote

I mostly identify with anxious attached but all the hurt I've experienced also might be making me very untrusting and avoidant too, unsure if that defines me as also avoidant or not. I've got no issue with my current therapist themselves, other than I don't really know what else to talk about because I don't really feel like much has been resolved.


t92k t1_ix62kfn wrote

It might be worth bringing that up. I was in "cognitive behavioral therapy" so we had the goal of changing my beliefs about my place in the world. You may be in a different kind.


SpasmociallySunny t1_iwymy75 wrote

I’m not who you were replying to, but I hope this adds some positivity to counselling for you. What blew my mind when I dragged my feet to my 4th psychologist in less than 4 years was how much she worked on helping me to trust her through being consistent, kind and truly non judgemental. Like I really felt the lack of judgemnt. If you’ve been through a few therapists like I have (& u obv have), then you’ll understand how much this meant.


SoundProofHead t1_iwyp2y7 wrote

There are definitely two sides to therapy. The one that deals with the client's specific personal issues, and then the therapist/client relationship that's being built during the sessions. That's why finding a good therapist isn't enough, you have to find a good therapist that you feel good with. It helps you relearn what a healthy and safe human relationship is like, regardless of what problematic you are there to talk about.


SpasmociallySunny t1_iwypoae wrote

Very much so. It can be very demoralising when you go through numerous counsellors trying to find that ‘right fit’. I understand why people give up and I’m really glad I didn’t .


_Wyrm_ t1_ix1a7mw wrote

Not who you replied to, but therapy simply wasn't for me.

I often walk myself through how I feel about certain things, and I try to dig deeper than the surface to figure out why. It used to be a purely negative and self-deprecating behavior that spawned out of my penchant for being overly-analytical... But I've put effort into turning into a beneficial thing.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is accepting that the parts of you that you don't like are still... You. Understanding yourself and giving recognition to all the bits and pieces that make up who you are was my first step to being a better person. It's made a lot of personal change over the years.

Therapy isn't for everyone, but it does help a lot of people. It's possible that you've only had therapists who aren't really compatible with you. I know it's easy to be discouraged, but you should consider mulling over which it might be -- that is to say, you or your previous therapists.


lamelyUnlash t1_iwzemri wrote

As someone previously comment, it wasn't until my fourth of fifth therapist that I started to feel a change. A lot of them didn't connect with me and neither I with them or I was simply seeking counseling because that's what everyone told me it worked, but when I found one who saw right through me and motivated me in all the right ways to work for the change I needed.

Also, not all of the sessions have to go towards working on something. There are times in which what we want or need isn't a plan, more so just being heard; talk with your therapist about the things that you'd like to do during the sessions and they'll understand.