IPutThisUsernameHere t1_izy6jik wrote
Reply to comment by dun-ado in Frequently using digital devices to soothe young children may backfire. The habit of using devices to manage difficult behavior strengthens over time as media demands strengthen as well. The more often devices are used, the less practice children - get to use other coping strategies by Wagamaga
That's not the argument in favor of using screens to pacify that you think it is. It just means that some people are bad parents and need to adopt better strategies.
That being said, discipline is not abuse.
[deleted] t1_izzqrh9 wrote
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dun-ado t1_izy6xin wrote
> discipline is not abuse
That's absurd. Obviously, any extreme form of discipline can easily be abuse.
IPutThisUsernameHere t1_izy8rxm wrote
The key word there is extreme. And that word is purely subjective. What you consider extreme another person might consider par for the course.
In short, it's not really your place to dictate what constitutes extreme abuse unless A) the child's life is in danger, B) the child's parent is non copus mentas or C) the child's health is actively being impacted.
Discipline is not supposed to be pleasant. It's supposed to be scary and painful - that's why it works.
dun-ado t1_izy98m7 wrote
Do you use fear and pain or threats thereof to discipline your child or a child under your care?
IPutThisUsernameHere t1_izyb4vt wrote
Well, I'm gay and single so no. But I do know how I was disciplined growing up, and there was a little pain and there was a little fear. Mostly fear of disappointing my parents, sometimes fear of things outside my control (like the boogey man or stuff like that). When I got too rowdy, I got smacked - which wasn't often because I was a very well behaved child.
And I was well behaved because I got smacked when I got too rowdy. Learned my lesson.
I wasn't hit for no reason, nor was I hit frequently. But I understood there would be consequences for my actions - sharp, direct consequences.
dun-ado t1_izycl2h wrote
Why do you believe that since you were smacked as a child that it's all right to smack a child in general?
Violence and/or the fear of violence rarely have good outcomes.
IPutThisUsernameHere t1_izydc2u wrote
On a large scale and across borders, you are correct. On a personal scale, and between a parent and child, you are 100% wrong. The excessive use of violence or force is damaging, yes. But a small quantity, used sparingly, will encourage positive behavior in small children.
You seem to have bought in to the notion that hitting your kids for any reason is an evil practice, and speaking from personal experience, that is absolutely not the case. For one thing, children under the age of 7/8, can't really be reasoned with. They don't understand why doing something is right or wrong, so you have to tell them and show them.
Once they reach about that age, it's easier to enact discipline without needing to use pain, because the child is better equipped to understand why certain behaviors are right or wrong.
dun-ado t1_izydkle wrote
> But a small quantity, used sparingly, will encourage positive behavior in small children.
Do you have any evidence or references to support such a claim?
IPutThisUsernameHere t1_izye2ox wrote
It's all anecdotal, so you won't count it as actual evidence. I know my own parents, friends who are parents, and friends' parents who all used the method I described above to good to excellent success. The children grew up to be healthy, emotionally balanced and capable adults.
It's abundantly clear you have your opinion on the matter. I'm not arguing my point any further than this.
[deleted] t1_izyf9np wrote
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[deleted] t1_j007fd2 wrote
You grew up to be fine with hitting kids. How is that emotionally balanced.
IPutThisUsernameHere t1_j008jqi wrote
Actually, I don't have kids. And if I had them I would discipline them but not abuse them. You seem to have the concepts confused.
A light smack on the bottom for bad behavior is not the same as beating a child for a minor infraction. You would do well to understand that.
[deleted] t1_j009041 wrote
Studies have shown both to be bad for child development. I’m not confused, the science shows and you’re doubling down and clearly closed off to any other opinion.
IPutThisUsernameHere t1_j00beor wrote
No, I have personal and anecdotal evidence that counters the science.
You can say the science says I'm wrong. I know from personal experience that I'm not.
Also, I'm not talking about actual abuse. I'm talking about discipline. You seem to be just as guilty of myopia on this matter as you're accusing me of.
[deleted] t1_j00c6h1 wrote
How does your single opinion counter multiple accounts of scientific research? If you read the research I provided above you will see the research actually talks about discipline and abuse.
IPutThisUsernameHere t1_j00d2i0 wrote
Not just my opinion. The opinions of dozens of other parents, including mine, friends of mine and parents of friends of mine.
And the research never has the whole picture, so I'll stick with people I know rather than strangers I don't, thanks.
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