My kid is in the hospital, should we transfer?

Submitted by backgroundmusik t3_11327kp in springfieldMO

Cox wants to send her to a specialist in St Louis. My husband doesn't want us to have to go so far and is saying we should transfer her to mercy. Opinions? I mean, facilities wish it seems to be a good place here. I don't want to just end up downgrading and making her and myself less comfortable in the process.

Edit:. We're going to St Louis

Next day edit: we are here. She's doing ok and they are doing test. It's lunch time now and she's nibbling on things. So medically we made the right choice.

Currently I'm inhaling a less than stellar cheeseburger with one of my two daily meals. I will say that Cox had better food options. Cox brought 3 a day for parent and they were included. I didn't have dinner last night or breakfast this morning because I got here too late to get vouchers from social services. If not I'd be paying $8 a tray. I have $15 cash and husband tried transferring money to my card but it won't be today. I don't know why feeding myself is such a stress to me right now, I should be thinking about her. Maybe it's a distraction. Anyway thanks for everything guys.

Edit: that no one will see because this post is days old. The kid is better. I am not. I can't call back home because I don't have phone minutes and these phones don't call out and I can't get my meds now. Rough day. All alone.

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LifeRocks114 t1_j8ni6t2 wrote

If there was a specialist in Springfield, even one at a competing hospital, then Cox would have recommended sending your kid to them. If the specialist is in St. Louis than it's highly likely that there is not one of comparable skill in Springfield.

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velveteenbritches t1_j8oaudz wrote

Second this! Also, ask for a referral to a Ronald McDonald House in St Louis to help with your costs :)

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PacificTridentGlobel t1_j8r78kf wrote

This was just a suggested post, I’m not from St Louis, I don’t know the hospitals, but I work in healthcare and I read out of concern and sympathy for OP. Didn’t intend to comment, but I just want to underscore what you said. The hospital and physician are trying to get the patient to the best level of care and they know what it is. Take that advice.

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CRMagic t1_j8oatsd wrote

This is absolutely untrue. We have had an issue before where a doctor from Missouri Eye Institute in town wanted to refer my wife to STL or KC, and stated no one in town would work. We looked around and found a specialist at Mercy, went to him for a second opinion. He spotted the issue immediately and had her back to normal in two weeks.

Whether the first doctor was incompetent or malicious makes no difference; check around here first because they absolutely do not have to refer you in town.

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nbmft13 t1_j8oedrx wrote

That sounds like a very different situation than the one OP presented. In particular because their issue is finding a pediatric specialist, which we tend to lack here.

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Skanky_Cat t1_j8nqrus wrote

Abso-fucking-lutely.

I’ve told my wife that if I can survive a three hour drive to the hospital, get my ass to STL or KC.

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gohomechal t1_j8nrk4q wrote

St. Louis has so many specialists and providing the best care for your daughter is the best option if you can afford it IMO

edit: op has a daughter not a son (i can’t read apparently)

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backgroundmusik OP t1_j8o2hk6 wrote

She's disabled so money isn't the issue, save for whether I'll have job when I come back, but that's neither here nor there.

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Ok_Strategy3670 t1_j8pchw4 wrote

If you qualify, FMLA will protect your employment for 12 weeks.

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backgroundmusik OP t1_j8sn34t wrote

I haven't been there a year yet, does that matter?

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Ok_Strategy3670 t1_j8t6pv9 wrote

Unfortunately, yes, you have to be with your employer for 12 months. Talk to your HR, you may be to take unpaid leave.

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gohomechal t1_j8ohkov wrote

I’m so happy you decided to go. Best of luck!!

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Christmasqueen19 t1_j8nzcky wrote

Don’t do what’s best for your husband do what’s best for your child. If there was a specialist in this area they would have gotten them.

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Funky_Farkleface t1_j8o06iy wrote

Look, IDK why your kid needs a specialist, IDK what the problem is. But I have a chronic disease and had 5 surgeries in 7 years until I found a specialist 5 hours away and I've been in remission for 2 years now because I quit fucking around with doctor's who don't know shit.

If Cox is recommending Shriner's Hospital for Children, the Shrine center here does transport. (I think? I've seen their transport vans in the parking lot and know the Shriners around the country transport sick kids/families to appointments).

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ExactPea9707 t1_j8ou2le wrote

Barnes (in St. Louis) saved my kids life. Springfield did not have the ability to care for her.

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kentfrostphoto t1_j8nsfo7 wrote

This is very common for there to be specialists in St. Louis but not Springfield. We have specialists here, but it depends on what you need. If what you need is not available in Springfield 9 times out of 10 you’ll be referred to someone in St. Louis.

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OG_Illusion t1_j8nkfr3 wrote

Have you talked to your current provider at cox about mercy? Ask if there’s a specialist there or if St. Louis is the only/best option. Don’t be afraid to ask why 🙏🏼 Hope all is well and your family stays healthy and strong.

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backgroundmusik OP t1_j8nmtlh wrote

Thanks. I'm going to, but I'm hoping my husband can be here for the conversation, anxiety is high and I'm not very assertive

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OG_Illusion t1_j8nqn1d wrote

I do not blame you, I would not be afraid to phone your husband if the provider is there and atleast have him on speaker phone. There’s nothing wrong with wanting the other parent to be informed! Remember to take some good deep breathes, manifest good energy and keep the faith and hope. I know it’s tough especially being in the hospital. Don’t be afraid to ask for a warm blanket if needed! 🤍👍🏼

Having a loved one or being in the hospital is always scary and anxious, I hope you find peace of mind soon.

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MaintenancePresent37 t1_j8p950s wrote

I went through this several years ago and St. Louis was the best decision we could have made for our son. We ended up with three specialists there. It’s first class care. On a side note, we experienced over 50 hospital admissions between Cox and Mercy, for us, Mercy was a much better experience. Prayers for your daughter.

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Mean_Addition_6136 t1_j8pkp0x wrote

My sister in law died because a rural hospital sent her home too soon because they needed the bed. Glad you’re going to St. Louis

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pizza1sgr8 t1_j8nzn2o wrote

I hate to bring up this practicality when the most important piece of this is your child’s health, but would your health insurance cover a specialist or hospital stay at Mercy?? Because if not, that could be tens of thousands of dollars out of pocket….

I know that’s not an issue for everyone, but I know my insurance only covers Cox providers or the out of network folks in STL they refer me to….

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Anima_EB t1_j8o9nxv wrote

Good choice going to Saint Louis. They really do have many many options for higher levels of care, hope everything goes well.

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nbmft13 t1_j8oe1ru wrote

There are a lot more pediatric specialists available in St. Louis. It's likely that there isn't someone in the area who can give your child the care they need. Cox doesn't usually refer people out unless there isn't a provider within their system. My son was referred to the Children's Hospital in St. Louis to see a pediatric dermatologist, because we don't have one here.

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TiredwHeathens t1_j8qhyp4 wrote

From St Louis and have lots of family that work(ed) for Cox. If they are recommending the transfer, do it. The pediatric hospitals up here are some of the best in the nation for good reason. Cox doesnt bs around on their recommendations. I have seen family recommended out of Cox network for various issues and every time has been for a good reason.

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GundleFly t1_j8nied8 wrote

Does Mercy have a similar specialist? Or is your SO just wanting a second opinion? Mercy has a larger footprint than Cox, so they have access to more internal providers as opposed to referring out.

At the end of the day, do what is best for your kid.

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Live-Associate-2911 t1_j8pswbe wrote

I'm so happy you are going to StL! Nothing wrong with a second opinion but pediatrics in Springfield don't hold a candle to Barnes or Wash. It's not a slam on our local providers either, I'm glad our local docs care enough to make the calls and connections to get your daughter in up there. It's one of the best in the country and she will be in good hands.

Don't forget FMLA to protect your job and regardless if you are assertive or not, don't forget your husband isn't a medical professional. You are doing an awesome job Momma! All the vibes for your girl to start feeling better. Please check into resources like Ronald McDonald house. The hospital should be able to help you with a list of these types of organizations.

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wildweasel29 t1_j8oj9ll wrote

I'm pretty sure the doctors know what they are talking about and you should listen to them.

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daleearn t1_j8px4go wrote

reddit for medical advice?

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backgroundmusik OP t1_j8qfb22 wrote

No, for opinions and experiences with the different medical systems in the area.

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daleearn t1_j8r3zr6 wrote

Did the medical team say send her to St. Louis? Did you say your husband say he wanted to send her to mercy? Did you ask for opinions on Reddit? Is this medically related?

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Spiffy_Dude t1_j8siz9o wrote

I think you’re being unnecessarily rude. Someone is obviously in a lot of distress and is maybe just needing reassurance that they’re doing the right thing. Maybe have a little empathy.

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daleearn t1_j8smxpp wrote

Ok, Reassurance from rando internet is not reassurance! It is dumb and dangerous!

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Spiffy_Dude t1_j8sodux wrote

It’s about human communication. She’s not asking for treatment advice. That’s a huge difference She’s posting a dilemma that she’s experiencing and wants to speak anonymously about it.

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daleearn t1_j8tiv3k wrote

Cox wants to send her to a specialist in St Louis. My husband doesn't want us to have to go so far and is saying we should transfer her to mercy. Opinions?

This Rando internet guys opinion is ask a Professional!

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Spiffy_Dude t1_j8tjqbv wrote

Some people need to talk things out or bounce ideas around. It helps to clear their head, especially when being pulled in two different directions, like by what she knew was right and her husband’s opinion.

Once again, she’s not asking for medical advice and has the right to speak of her dilemma with people on Reddit. If you think it’s a bad idea, then that’s fine too. You’re allowed to have an opinion, I just think you should be nicer about it. Especially when someone is already obviously going through a lot.

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daleearn t1_j8tk77o wrote

Just in case you have a loved one that is needing health care and a Doctor has recommended a procedure or a specialist, by all means get a second opinion and maybe a third but get them from a Professional or Doctor not the rando on reddit! You can thank me later!LMAO

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nomadswife t1_j8qw7gf wrote

My nephew was flown once and ambulance twice from Mercy to Children’s in St Louis. There wasn’t a specialist for him.

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Entire_Stuff_3258 t1_j8rm5g7 wrote

We were at mercy for a suspected appendicitis for my 5yr old a few years back. They told me most likely we would have to go STL or cox as they didn’t have a pediatric surgeon. I was surprised given how “common” that is. However, I was more than ok with that option given the best care for our kids is what everyone wants including the doctors.

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backgroundmusik OP t1_j8ry3p7 wrote

The hospitals in Springfield seem so big compared to where I'm from, seems crazy that we still have to upgrade, but it's necessary

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Spiffy_Dude t1_j8sjask wrote

If they say it is, then it absolutely is. Saint Louis has some amazing medical facilities. I hope everything goes well.

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Capital_Affect_2773 t1_j8t9eqc wrote

We were at Mercy last week and it was horrendous. 15yr old and I went to ER at 9:45 and got checked in, waited about 30min and got triaged and vitals done. Sat for hours. Got to a room, no vitals done. Waited for a long time, she did get an IV and pain meds, blood work done. Waited for an ultrasound, waited for results. Decided to do a CT, by this time it’s like 2pm. Surgeon comes in at 4, we talk and decide to do surgery. There were other cases ahead of us, but between essentially 4-8ish absolutely no updates, I asked for more pain medicine before I left at 5 to rush home and get clothes for both of us. She didn’t get the medicine until almost 6. An hour after I left (grandma was there) didn’t get to the OR until 9. Room at midnight. Got discharged at 10 the next morning. Mercy also was way too relaxed when my MIL went in with a BP of 209/94, Mercy sucks.

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backgroundmusik OP t1_j8tkx63 wrote

Are they both okay?

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Capital_Affect_2773 t1_j8upob5 wrote

Yes. MIL was put on medicine by her primary, and my 15yr old recovered in a few days. She had surgery on a Monday night and was back in school on Thursday. Crazy!

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NegativeRow9871 t1_j8y9l9t wrote

We have been inpatient for months at St. Louis Children’s (affiliated with Barnes Jewish and staffed by WashU physicians) and they are INCREDIBLE. Springfield doesn’t have the specialists we need so off to STL we went. STL Children’s is the #1 pediatric hospital in the state and a top facility in the Midwest. The cafeteria there is not as good as Cox. You can also order food to your room through Moose on the Loose. As your nurse for a menu and their phone number. The food through that is better than the cafeteria. Have you seen someone from social work? They can help you get more meal vouchers when the family centers are closed.

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backgroundmusik OP t1_j8yda3v wrote

I have vouchers and we've found the play room on 8 so she's having a blast right now.

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backgroundmusik OP t1_j93bd99 wrote

The facility is supportive. Wish I could say the same about her dad or my family

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NegativeRow9871 t1_j94d6g0 wrote

Was that you in the laundry room today sitting by the window?? I’m so sorry you’re going through this and that the lounge staff was not helpful when you asked to use the phone (if this was you).

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backgroundmusik OP t1_j94do7b wrote

Sorry. I couldn't put a number up because I didn't have one and my phone wasn't working and my mom got me a card but I wouldn't work. I'm off my meds and can't go to the dispensary around the corner to try to calm myself because none of our family is coming. Baby girl is feeling better, so there's that, but I'm not ok.

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backgroundmusik OP t1_j94e47m wrote

And later I walked out the door, barely over the threshold and turned around because I decided it would be better to stay. They stopped me for coming in without registering when they say and watched me just stick my head out basically. I didn't feel welcome anymore so I went to the bathroom nearby to cry

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backgroundmusik OP t1_j94e87g wrote

And in all this I know I'm selfish because so many people here are going through so much worse and my kid is ok I should be grateful and I am.

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ElkOk914 t1_j9nh6y3 wrote

Try not to be hard on yourself for fixating on things you think should be inconsequential in the larger picture. When everything is overwhelming our brains sometimes choose smaller, more manageable pieces to pick at because they seem easier than trying to fix the big thing. You can't wave a magic wand and fix your kid, so instead your brain focused on fueling your body. I've had 2 babies do month long stints in the NICU and I worked myself into a tizzy over some seriously minor things both times. With the second one it was knitting socks. Have you looked into the Ronald McDonald House? They really saved my bacon when I was by myself in Kansas City with my baby in the hospital.

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Chitwood74 t1_j8oh1h2 wrote

I hope your kid gets the help she needs.

However, I find it really weird that people would ask for the opinion of a complete stranger without even knowing what kind of ailment your daughter has. I would hope this would be a decision that you and your husband could make together based on all the information that you know & we don't (healthcare, diagnosis, etc).

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backgroundmusik OP t1_j8ohwlp wrote

Have you considered sometimes people just want a little support?

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jeebus0027 t1_j8pfrsx wrote

Just like Wikipedia, don’t know what you don’t know, but you can check the sources if you hear something promising.

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[deleted] t1_j8nlxc1 wrote

[deleted]

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JonnyG24 t1_j8nmjzb wrote

You're probably smarter than all those nurses and doctors right? Sounds like some Dunning Kruger shit to me.

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HoboScabs t1_j8ntkyl wrote

Probably more about the administration at Cox making the place worse on an annual basis.

The administration doesn't care about your health, the care gives there are mostly great though

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[deleted] t1_j8o9882 wrote

[deleted]

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420shaken t1_j8pdu4w wrote

If you want mediocre healthcare, you are welcome to drive 750 miles to the nearest Canadian border. The US is overwhelmingly the leading provider of medical innovation, research, and drug breakthroughs. It has to come at a cost somewhere.

Hospitals are a very minority place to lay blame for high healthcare costs, it's insurance companies who are really investment firms in disguise. It's the insurance companies who also happen to sell malpractice coverage. It's insurance companies that also happen to own pharmaceutical companies and drug retail locations. You are right, it is capitalism, but generally speaking, hospitals rank low on the list of reasons why.

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